a fire in me

i was only 10 when she let go
and since then i never said no
i was scared and i was low
but i was 2 tuff 2 even show
my thoughts were tangled in my brain
i watched the rain fall right into the drain
so stripled and so weak
and some life was all it seeked
with the world i crumbled 2 the ground
but nothing could could bring me down

i used 2 be a lonely boy
so shocked from what i see
i used my mind as my own toy
and what i saw is what i believed
a fire in me is a fire in you
my heart stops at the sound of ur voice
the fire is here no matter what u do
im just giving you your choice

i see u with your gallants and boys
it seems u only here there bold noise
idk if u here my little words
idk if u just see me as a blurr
but i was only 10 when i grabbed hold
of my life i took control
and 2 my suprise i was good
yet in the backlines was where i stood
i thought i saw jesus fall 2 the ground
but i was fooled by others sounds
it was only terror and ppl were dead
and everybody just lost there heads
im not sure if we really care
or if just do from what we stare
but my eyes r set upon my goals
i guess i am considered one of the fools
i dont do what other ppl do
and i dont think of anything but you
thats the way it is

i used 2 be a lonely boy
so shocked from what i see
i used my mind as my own toy
and what i saw is what i believed
a fire in me can be a fire in you
my heart stops at the sound of ur voice
the fire is here but its up 2 you
justice 4 you and its your choice

so many times i wanted 2 let go
but her voice always told me no
and she was the motivation in my mind
but it seems u dont wonna play with fire
at night i go outside and stare at the sky
i close my eyes and start 2 cry
my voice is small but my thoughts r deep
my brain is small but theres tears on my cheak
and it was just yesterday when i shoulda let go
but im holding on bcuz i really dont no
what 2 do and where 2 go
im so scared and i feel so low
the world is dying against its will
and the flood waters r taking under still
my mind is asking whats the wait
in this time we shouldnt hesitate
i play with pride but i am afraid
my own mind needs 2 be up 2 date
and so does everyones

i used 2 be a lonely boy
and i still am that lonely boy
i used my mind as my own toy
theres so many thoughts i can deploy
a fire in me has no want from you
yet my heart stops at ur voice
so im not sure what im supposed 2 do
and on my shoulders lays my choice
and i am that lonely boy
who is shocked from what he sees
i am now that same old old boy
who falls down 2 his knees
my fire inside can be inside you
and my heart stops when i say
i will do it if ur in to
and everything will be ok




JC




Yahtzee

father figure

father figure tell me what im doing wrong
father figure help me 2 make my demons gone
fahter figure secure me from all profanity
father figure tell me u wont ever betray me
father figure lead me with ur eyes
father figure can u promise that u will never die
father figure eaze my unhealble pain
father figure keep everything the same
father figure hold my heart tight
father figure tell me things r gonna be alright
father figure see through my mistakes
father figure do not hesitate 2 say
father figure etch ur name on my face
father figure stay with me till the grave
father figure can u plz here me talking
father figure help me seal my coffin
father figure eat away at my additude
father figure take me away soon
father figure teach me how 2 dance
father figure plz give me a chance

all my life im shadowed by what other ppl done
all my life ive been standing here while other ppl run
and ive learned 2 trust not one soul
and ive learned at times u just gotta let things go
through thick and thin through dark of day
with u now im here 2 stay
i watch you
u oversee me
i learn from u
u let it be
when u sleep at night i see what u do
u r my soul, my life evolves around u
i agree with what u say
im with u now and im here 2 stay

father figure enlighten me
father figure face the thing that should not be
father figure bite ur lip
father figure who r u with
father figure jump into the flame
father figure we all r fair game
father figure carpe diem
father figure this is the end
father figure i dont want u 2 leave
father figure make me what u want me 2 be
father figure tell me what is right
father figure shadows me through out my life
father figure pull my strings
father figure do it again
father figure plz do not die
father figure u r my life
father figure what r u
father figure what do u want me 2 do
father figure u bring 2 so many shivvers
father figure u r my father figure




JC



no influence

lucy or roger

i could make a left or i could make a right
either way i will start the next part of my life
every minute it takes me 2 deside which way
i feel so angry bcuz i just want 2 stay
but u must keep up with time
or get back 2 the end of the line
walk into the forest and be lost
or take a light 2 see through the fog
left or right
i must do whats right
i cant keep thinking i can do everything on my own
other wise ill remain so alone
and thats just the thing i dont want 2 be
alone and not able 2 see
i need a sign 2 direct me 2 where is best
i need a sign cuz i refuse 2 follow the rest
i cant find a good time 2 end this chapter
every time i slow down and think i cry faster
bcuz i cant find a good time 2 start the next faze
i cannot just leave behind all those wonderful days
its just so hard 2 do without knowing where i will end up next
plz give me a sign as simple as right or left

and my teeth hurt from me kicking them
and once again this could be the end
and she goes with a piece of my heart
and she goes forever set apart
just like the how birds learn 2 fly
u cant go 4ver just being deprived
if ur obligation is 2 survive
make ur turn towards a better life
ive counted my steps
and watched 4 mistakes
and every skipped breath
is a missed risk i could take
and i lay in bed helplessly awake
looking back on the moves i made
but my eye is cought by a glance
and i think i might have a second chance
but i just need 2 no the way
which turn should i take

i saw the sign and it said word 4 word
keep going strait this is not ur turn




JC

those eyes

i look into those sickly eyes
and all i see is tears
i sit next 2 u so paralized
and just think back 2 the years
my words r deep any my hopes r high
that was how it was b4 u lost ur life
no i cant think as well anymore
and ive missed so many oppertunitys and ill miss many more
i cant think of one reason 2 give in now
ive seen so many struggle and i wonder how
they can stand being so helpless
and how they rnt so selfish
that is how it was until i found a new set of eyes
when i looked in 2 them i got paralized
and i couldnt move
my mind was soothed
every word she speaks just kills me
and everytime she moves its just a thrill 2 me
and its hard 2 say i love u
when words r all i see
but there is somthing about u
and ur words are all i need
o god plz turn me around
suck it up and go all out
no picture says a thousand words
cuz pictures can not speak
but when i look at u
u dont no how many words shout out 2 me
i feel my heart throbbing in cold pain
i turn aside my head bcuz it will never be the same
those eyes
had me paralized
and when i saw his first tear
i was on my fourth
he was stronger
than i will ever be
and since hes gone no longer
will i ever be the same me
and its killing me
o so slowly
suprise suprise
i see 2 sets of eyes
one i love and one i hate
the only thing different between them
one is here and the other sought fate
its so hard 2 do what i want 2 do
when everytime i look at you
im paralized
those eyes'


JC



hOUr GLASS AFFECT COULD TAkE ITS ROLE...pATIENCE

bb.

and its continued....
my mind is demolished by ur words
but what i have is not what u deserve
the crutiality of this is 0
i can only win
with or without i am myself
but without u im just like everyone else
i wonna be unique
thats what i seek
i reach into my pocket a little deeper
it might not work out yet im believer
and tell me what else do u want me 2 be
i accept all apologeez
i forgive all but forget nothing
everyword u say means something
time is space and space is money
and money is as good as honey
but honey aint so sweet without sugar

reach into my pocket and take out my watch
i dont no how 2 read these god damn face clocks
so it dosnt matter 2 me
ill leave it as what it wants 2 be
all u got is all u can use
dont take advantage or abuse
its a dangerous job
2 be in love
but thats how it goes

ill jump of a bridge
die going face down
im standing on the edge
afraid 2 look at the ground
i wont jump, i will fall
i wont give up ill lose it all
we i got means nothing 2 me now
cuz im doing this and im proud
ppl say im nothing without her
i would agree but i never had honey without sugar



JC

.b.

bricks fall and i tumble with them
the mirror breaks and my image is gone
now we wait 2 see if this is the end
second wind passes as hard as the first
let it go just let it go
and once its gone we die of thirst
secret windows r out in the open
u probly r confused
we r judged not from our emotions
we r judged by what we abuse

walk next 2 me if u dare
plz be not afraid
even i am scared
lay beside me if u want 2 see the stars at night
i can see them all
they say one star represents a special life
and ur the best one i saw

scratch my head and pray 4 recolection
luck is found anywhere
it feeds of my funny obession
i no what not 2 do by watching you
my eyes r all around
seeing u fall is nothing new
we all r used 2 the ground

whisper loudly and make sure no one hears
if its a secret its safe with the world
one drop of blood, is one drop of a tear
scream ur anger but make sure it wont be heard
its not safe with the crowd
whisper ur anger word 4 word
and scream ur secrets out loud

passing arms and passing peace
what do they really no
they're heads r full of cheese
dont go searching 4 mistakes
u might find them
keep ur eyes of the world
u might blind them



JC

alright..

i miss my friends and i miss my foes
i miss there crazyness and they're insane modes
but what does that mean?
the past is etched on the back of my hand
when ppl ask i say u wont understand
u wont understand what ive seen
plz dont worry now thay we are all gone
the future holds so many more bird songs
even i cant sleep at night
keep in mind of ur beginnings
and even tho change can be missfitting
everythings gonna be alright

time takes u bye the wrist and directs u through ur life
u will no when 2 take ur risks, even tho it might not seem right
be all that u can be and dont try 2 be anything more
im always here 2 catch ur fall and always reassure
everythings gonna be alright

change is great and it always will be
just gotta be patient and u gotta see
ur ups and ur downs
when in doubt jump 2 the olive branch
ull find happiness where ever u land
and listen 4 the sound
wind flashing through the night sky
watch the clouds pass and get paralized
bcuz everynight is a beautiful night
never let go of the past
dont fret cuz every moment will forever last
everythings gonna be alright

shadowed by the king fish
struck down by the lightning
tramatized of the kiss
never thought it would be so frightning
pierceing eyes watching u
deadly jaw with a strong bite
loving arms surrounding u
and everythings gonna be alright

keep in mind that u r ur own soul
dont ever let the "happy" ppl take control
be who u r
do not fret of whats 2 come
it is the best in the long run
even tho it might seem so far
when i come back in my second life
i will be one of the clouds in the beautiful night
i wonna be the beautiful sight
be all that u can be and dont be any more
thinking about the future might make ur mind so sore
but remember everythings gonna be alright



JC



09

silent lucidity

im so angry bcuz
it seems pain is all that i feel
it leaves no room 4 some love
and the pain is unreal
my mind takes a day off
and im so far behind
it leaves no room 4 love
and i think ive lost my mind
teardrops never felt so good
but they r shadowed by pain
i feel so missunderstood
my life needs rearanged
bad habbits cause bad words
and that dosnt help one bit
from there it only gets worse
im just tired of all of this

put on my suit and my tie
4 such a sad occasion
i hate 2 see ppl die
they never looked into saving
i grasp my heart with a fist
and pray 2 jesus christ
and when its all over with
i thank him 4 keeping me alive
but when he went
a little of me went with him
and the message he sent
was 2 give in
not me i just hope
will follow that poor soul
it was the suicide he wrote
who woulda thought it would become a novel
the blood dripping of my finger tips
remind me of all the pain
i clinch my heart in my fist
but the memory will remain

but when i see her face
heaven is where i stand
its such a enjoyable face
i admire it if i can
i see u walk down the hall
and my spin just shivers
i act like i dont see u at all
i just wish i was with her
i blame my self 4 everything
cuz there is no one else
i am the consaquence i bring
i turn my rags into wealth
my brain is throbing with pain
yet i keep my head high
and my heart is the same
bcuz hes not alive
but i continue my route
count the days by ones
thats what lifes all about
ur finished until u r done



JC



what?

barbed wire lulabye

off comes the pen cap
out comes the thoughts
out goes the days crap
and my day is lost
my eyes r puffy
my nose is runny
but that is not enough
once i start i wont stop

this is silent chaos
all these released thoughts
and all this might just seem wry
its all apart of my barbed wire lulabye
and i look at the moon and close my eyes
when i open them i see the cloudless sky
im in awe by the moon so bright
and i close my eyes and pray 4 some light

ppl say i try 2 be somebody im not
but i can be anyone when i release my thoughts
when i wake up in the early hours
i wake up 2 the sweet morning flowers
i turn on the news and all i see is fighting
who would thinkg "peace" could be so frightning

i tie my shoes just as tight as they do
does that mean we got the same points of view
i pick my fights when i do i win
u just pick ur nose, that can become a problem
just another one 2 the pile
middle finger 2, entangled in barbed wire

this is my silent chaos
barbed wire lulabye
no matter the cost
we will make it by
release the anger and frustration
and they ask us 2 put trust in our nation
my nation is at my finger tips
its all i got and it is what i go with
if it dosnt work i fail with it
but its so much better than dealing with there bullshit
this isnt a purge of my system
this is a clean up of all my vissons
there more 2 come and more 2 be admired
it could be so much better, if my brain wasnt barbed wire



JC



what do u think

the trash fire

i stand at your door step
with such a long face
u open the door
and my pain is erased
i cant say anything
theres not much more 2 be said
but there is one thing
i wish i were dead
lord i have one last request
plz help me see
yes sir forgive all the rest
and loord forgive me
now my flames gone 2 waste
and my ego is worn
and my pain is erased
yet the trash fire is warm
,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,m

that poor little girl
who has 2 live in this world
she deserves the best
but thats not much better
and as i look at her
i see a flower, in bloom
when fall comes she gos
falls 2 the gallows
loord forgive me

and that innocent girl
shadowed by the world
what i say has no affect
she hasnt reached the worst yet
but the trash fire is warm
but the flame is so worn
no ones there 2 tame our flame
lord forgive me
plz forgive me

i cry everyday
4 the children i will raise
id hate 2 bring somthing 2 life
just so that it will have 2 fight
4 somewhere 2 stay
the lights getting short
smaller than before
and time drifts away
and everyday
the trash fire gets worn
lord forgive me

she is brown everywhere
is she 2 scared?
does she not trust in her eyes
that keep her alive
and will always be there
fell my veins with my fingers
and the move slowly towards that trigger
the trash turns 2 ash
everything fades 2 black
and all goes 2 nooothing.....

whiste in the wind
get it all over with
fight flame with flame
do it over and over again
be one with ur sin
and as u lie 2 the mirror
it reflects back ur face
and i stand at ur door step
let me in from the rain


plz forgive me


my voice lays at a low rumble
my life remains crumbled
a day in my life passes so fast
yet i live my days, like they r my last
and the trash fire is warm
no shelter from the storm
and the flame goes 2 ash
it all fades 2 black
we all go into the faze of forgivness
lord, o lord forgive me
plz forgive me




JC

just a game

what is life
what is this
nothings right
people just wonna ruin it
what the hell?

life is just like any riddle
the answers there
u just gota look deeper into the middle
then u could tell
u could tell

boys and girls
we dont care
we got nothing 2 lose
and nothing 2 gain
boys and girls
amen to the world
someones always gonna lose
it will never change

risk life on something so dumb
come home cryin cuz ur brain is numb
u have no clue who 2 apoligize 2
sorry! my battle ship has sunkin you

boys and girls
who really cares
we got nothing 2 lose
and nothing 2 gain
boys and girls
amen to our world
once u get a bruise
ur never the same

monopoly has brought me 2 this stage
the game of life is about 2 change
risk number 2 throw it all away
sorry! u have lost the game..
..







boys and girls
just dont care
they got nothing 2 lose
and nothing 2 gain
boys and girls
amen to the world
what the hell
everythings just a game




JC

anon

my eyes seek my destiny
my fingers seek my vains
plz talk slow 2 me
i am insane
one man and one women
one time and one moment
it all comes 2gether as one
one war one fight
one man cost so many lives
all the lives are gone
my chainlink has broken off the rest
and all of them just try 2 be the best
we no nothing about our future, we rnt sure
we r our own cancer, we r our own cure



JC

where it ends

it starts with the life style of this young man
dosnt hold any smiles cuz no one understands
they say they know but what the know means nothing
he is walking dead and hes not even bluffing
take no jokes from this self abused child
sex drugs alcohol should keep him alive 4 awhile
but with every good thing it always ends
and every washup will never mend
take a look and see u lie 2 the mirror
u spit on it and u punch it so it sees u clearer
u r the cracked up spit on young man they dont no
but im sure they will when that young man goes
2 hell, 2 darkness, 2 non presence living
he dosnt want anyone 2 be future giving
bcuz what no body knows he can see
and what he is isnt what he wants 2 be
he trys so hard and ends were he started
he dosnt no the kinda pain of the broken hearted
he only nos headaches cuz his brain cant think
and only with one eye can the young man blink
he fights 2 hard just 2 win nothing
u think if god had mercy he would give him something
but that just is it
he dont believe in you cuz you dont believe in him
come along and follow him 2 where ever he may be going
hes reaching the point of no longer knowing
if he wants 2 live or wants 2 die
he goes 2 his bolsters 2 help him survive


and thats where it ends







JC

Wise Knowledge

Wise Knowledge is all we no
one week comes just as fast as it goes
one man has no value on his soul
and wise knowledge is all he nos

with nothing we begin our life
we work real hard 2 set things right
but things can crash and shoot off our roll
just like a derailed train out of control

u dont build a fire u light it
we dont start wars we just fight it
craziness comes as fast as it goes
and wise knowledge is all we no

bullet wound, permanint scar
u dont survive that without trying hard
dont ever say love just makes me so bad
give it a chance it wont hurt that bad

talent gained, talent earned
u found ur spot until the tables turned
we take 4 granted all those safe care rides
just wait 4 one that will take ur life

joy 2 the world joy 2 all
joy 2 everything until it falls
just like the rain and the wind
u never no when its gonna give in

wise knowledge is here right beside u
its always there 2 be the one 2 guide you
love comes as fast as it goes
and wise knowledge is all we hafta no




JC

crack a smile

crack a smile
as they beat u with there words
u see them laughing at you
these r things uve before heard
u no y it happens
but u cant make it stop
so u leave it as it is
bcuz uve learned from when u faught
ur alone now
u go over what they said
and every word they spoke
is grinding in your head
u no this isnt right
but u dont no what 2 do
bcuz the only thing you no
is how 2 be you
but thats not good enough
they always want so much more
ur age is all u can be
but it all goes when u open that droor
slit ur wrists now
let the sadness flow
but no matter what u do
the scar will never go
and as u pray at night
u ask him where he is at
and u just pretend
he is a foot from where u sat
lay ur hands down
give up ur soul 2 him
reach in ur pocket
and dig the blade in....

r u happy now
is this what u want
now that he is dead
but that still isnt enough
and at the coffin
u see all those scars
and u finally realize
u were his prison bars
we pray all at once at night
forgiveness wont come cheap
its not worth one life
its not worth a single tear on ur cheak
u live ur life now
tell me what its like
2 have a presence
all ways at ur side
how do u feel
noing u r the abuser
u never thought it would make you
the main killer
tell me do u regret
all those words u said
and lets us hope
those words r runing through ur head
what is the need
2 tear the rubble down
tell whats it like
2 have the rubble burried under ground
wooden face
no expresion earned
hope ur excited now
uve got another lesson 2 learn



JC




influenced by y

another love story

walk beside me
u can tell me what 2 do
if u belive in me
i can belive in you
my eyes r shut now
and only u could make me see
i will love you
only if u love me
just walk beside me
or do what u will
she loves me not
she loves me still
either way shes ok
it wont make a difference
either way shes just ok
she can change it in an instance
if u walk beside me
we could go at any pace
and if u help me see
no longer will i have 2 chase
i pull the chain
nothings on the end
im not afraid
of what this brings
its time 2 take a risk or 2
and see what we achieve
and if i believe in you
can u believe in me
this might just seem
like it wont last very long
but if this is what it is now
will it be what is when we r gone
stand beside me
we could make the dive
stand behind me
if u dont think u could survive
i could break it
take a risk of my life
thats what i call living
being stronger than the tide
being stronger than the tide
we could get swept in
but would it matter a lot
she loves me still
she loves me not
either way we r ok
this isnt mandatory
it could what ever we say
its just another love story

watch me walk away
i will do what i must do
and i wont hesitate
2 do what i choose
but it comes down 2
who gets swept in by the tide
its hard not seeing u
it makes it so much harder 2 decide
so much harder 2 decide
so much harder





JC



aeiouy

twist

who really cares
if anyone is just scared
i no i dont
and i no 4 sure that i wont
what i no is what i love
what i love is my antidrug
and it fights at my side
it is what keeps me alive
if u spit on me
ill spit on u
if u dont believe
i dont aproove
and if u have no feelings
u can walk
i dont wonna have any dealings
with stuburn stock
and here we are in this mess again
same old thing it was back then
who cares about my mistakes
all i care is 4 the hearts that, break
twist, twist
im tired and frustrated
my life is so complicated
im depressed and im alone
i cant make it on my own
i find my self walking with no one
i find my self so lonsome
y wont this end
y wont this mend
i dont no how or when
here it comes, its coming back again
i cant live with this people
im starting 2 feel feable
if i dont live flawless i wont get through
i will never no things i should have knew
this is a different side of me
its a side-affect of being clean
"and this sweet amber
twist
is as sweet as it gets"
enjoy what u got
its whats known as the best
and im madly in frustration with u
just madly in frustration with u...
twist

all i have is anything

i use my mind as my weapon
i use my words as my protection
i fight the easy wars
anything i will fight for
cuz anything is all i have

time is crutial when it comes 2 life
u dont really no when 2 say "alright"
and settle with what u have
i no i did that
cuz anything is all i have

i believe in second chances
but i dont support questions without answers
i take what i get and ask no more
anything is all i can fight 4
cuz anything is all i have

i talk 2 ppl and they r stunned
they do not no where my words come from
yet neither do i
maybe they just fall from the sky
anything is all i no

anything is what i do for
anything is what keeps me coming back 4 more
anything is what keeps me breathing
anything could stop the bleeding
anything could make me cry
anything could be any lie
anything is strangling me
anything could set me free
but what is anything
what does it bring
what does it say we u r aquainted
what will it say when ur death is belated
anything will do 4 me
anything is all i believe
anything is all i see
anything is what i breath
cuz anything is all i have

my mind is my only weapon
and my words r my protection
and so many ppl wish
4 a situation like this
when anything could happen
and anything is always under radar
and when anything is never 2 far
anything can always happen
that is 4 sure
and when anything is all u have
thats all u can fight for
y would u want something
y would u want everything
if u could have anything




JC



INFLUENCED by anything

take me there

take me there
anywhere but here ma'am
take me there
anywhere i will stand
take me where ever your going
it cant be down bcuz im as low as it gets
it can only get better and i have so many regrets
life as it is, sucks more than ever
im just a kid who wants 2 hope 4ever
im dreaming of a day in paridise
and u are right next 2 me
and i hope 4 that 2 be my future like
with u standing right next 2 me
i would take u 2 that dream
but u seemed 2 already be there
i dont no anything my dear
all i no is nothing
i have no questions 4 you my dear
all i have is nothing
but i do have some requests
if u bid u will win this bet

time is gone my friend its gone
now its time 2 just move on
never forget what this was
learn from mistakes bcuz we are all done
and we all make mistakes
the risks we didnt take
end up killing u eventually
eventually it will kill me
i cant think about the past
bcuz im 2 bizzy thinkin of the future
i cant think about my life
im 2 bizzy tryin 2 make everything alright
nothings alright
and this is life
take me there plz ma'am
anywhere u go and i will stand
i dont love anyone now
yet i love u some how
i dont understand
just plz take my hand
take me there my dear o dear
take me there out there



JC

bad news
thats all i got 4 u

came as soldiers

and we
fight the longest roughest battle
we have adapted 2 all the hassle
we never no what 2 expect
we will not live 2 see whats left
we sit alone in our quarters
we r put 2 sleep by the morters
all we love is eachother
we have forgoten or loving mothers
these letters that we recieve
we are shaking 2 much 2 even read
on the radio we listen 2 fdr
but all we here is the B.A.R
then the shell hits beside us
we run like hell they want 2 fight us
i grab my springfield and my frags
little baker pulls out his mag
pops one in his scarred head
4 only a second i cared he was dead

we came as soldiers we leave as brothers
we left behind our jobs and our lovers
we settled 4 the hard way out
we thought we knew the definition of shout

till we saw the men getting slaughterd
we still think about our lost fathers
he pull aside 2 follow code ealge
throw at the squints, shoot at the feable
the cannon balls just miss by feet
we r so wounded but we rnt beat
we look above and see the red dot
fireing atleast 100 shots
feel the bullets pierce the skin shield
we fall 2 the ground and reload our springfields
we get a sneak peek at jesus
we could die, but more ppl need us

we came as soldiers we left as brothers
we left our jobs we left our lovers
we fire at will and protect eachother
we dream of those long summers

i cant hear my selfthink anymore
i dont think i could take anymore
i dig in my pocket pull out the crusifyx
pray 2 god help me get through this
well back up came
then they were gone
they seiged the beaches
and moved on

countless times i have been demolished
i was torn down more when i saw the rubbish
i almost started 2 cry
how could i ruin so many lives
i have made so many widowed wives
i dont no how i will stay alive
when i no i am the reason they died
but we stick 2gether and cry with eachother
we came as soldiers, we left as brothers



JC

life isnt easy

this is the world ur looking at
look while u can
this is the world ur living in
try 2 understand
everyone is strange now
nothing is cool
nothings the same now
and everyones a worthless fool
theres something about u
that triggers my insane mind
ur criticized4 all u do
and ur day always runs out of time

life isnt easy
life is 2 hard
life isnt easy
the end is 2 far

reach behind the seat now
grab a few cds
pick the one u like
anything u pick and ill be pleased
pull up 2 the drive trhough
24 pack of bud and thats it
ur critsized after anything u do
and thats just the way u want it

life isnt easy
life is just 2 hard
life isnt easy
theres no such thing as 2 far

we close our eyes after a long day
but u still see some light
and no matter what u say
u cant make me do anything this is my life
i go 2 the school now
get all my bad grades
im the worthless fool now
but hey mom atleast i dont have aids

life isnt easy
life is 2 hard
life isnt easy
ur judged by if u go 2 far

on the bus ride home
i wonder in awe
im looking out the window
and i dont see anything at all
this is the world ur looking at
i look while i can
this is the world im living in
and im trying 2 understand

how life isnt easy
and life is 2 hard
but if we keep complaining
we wont get very far





JC

i tremble
in the shadows
of the unkown figure
i stumble
on the branches
of the unkown tree
i choke
on the ashes
of the unkown body
i cry
over nothing
bcuz im so happy
i fall
2 the ground
no body cares now
i jump
2 the sky
then i take the dive
i reech
into the open
grab the the bar
i hoist
myself higher
then i fall
i get snagged
on the way down
2 an old tree branch
and i hold
onto nothing
and pray 2 jesus
i burn
2 the ground
watch the embers
steam
2 the sky
i pray 2 jesus christ

i frisk
the ashes
of the unkown body
i climb
2 the top
of the unkown world
it sucks
2 be alive
so we adapt
2 the world
that sucks
we r used 2 bad
we fight
2 the death
of the pointless war
we stumble
2 the ground
4 the 3rd time
jesus christ
jesus
christ
y
am i alive
idk
no body nos
we r the lives
we are the unknows
we attempt
2be something
we fail in the end
that is life
end with nothing
then we pray 2 jesus christ


JC

dust in the wind

close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moments gone
all my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind
same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
all we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see
dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind

don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
it slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy
dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
dust in the wind, everything is dust in the wind




KANSAS

dont hold on

nothing lasts 4 ever except the earth and sky
try 2 catch the moment where ever it lies
but dont hold on 2 yesterday bcuz its gone
just wait 4 2morro it wont be long
so dont hold on 2 the past bcuz its 2 much 2 hold
and even if u do all it will do 4 u is mold
and all we will do is crumble 2 the ground
and refuse 2 see our unkown surrounds
but dont let go
to those memories that did 4 us the only thing we no
and try not 2 speak
and keep all those trembling tears of ur cheeks
feel no pain
pay no attention 2 ur loss, concentrate on ur gain
help me please
dont let go of anything that u see
but dont hold on
cuz b4 u no it everything will be far gone
shiftless mistakes
all we do is give, but we never take
and the world would be so much better
if we didnt try 2 be perfect
and if we just dont let go of something
that is far higher than worthless



dont hang on
2 me my friend im just another gust blown by
dont go wrong
like me my friend plz dont u ever die
trust in words
and never let the world 2 be the one that makes ur turns
score your goals
feel the adrineline beneith u and think should i let go our should i hold
dont let go
but hold on 2 what u have and keep it safe
all we know
is who r the victims and who is gonna get saved
but i think
or do i know
and i try
2 let go

dont let go
of the good times and the bad times we've wondered through
im so cold
my hands r trembleing and i just want 2 let go
so 2 night
will last 4ever or until the wind blows




JC


:>(

never give in

hes dead
its the end
in my head
he was my friend
he kept me strong
he tought me well
he said hold on
to what i tell
and never let go
never give in
and never show
everything within
he said 2 never lose
and never win
never die
and never give in
but hes dead
and im about 2 give in
in my head
ive lost everything
he said never 2 be afraid
never go alone
never go insane
just bcuz ur insides r unkown
and im afraid
and alone
im insane
cuz ur not home
im going 2 leave now
if want me 2 or not
bcuz some how
i feel like getting shot

but now im feeling like so many do
all bcuz my life iis built around u
i dont no whats going on
i dont no what i want
and now that ur not here
my future is so unclear
idk
but i no this

hes dead

im scared
and its so complicated
im unaware
and im sick of waiting
4 nothing
lifes so hard
and it hurts
so far
ull never lose
and ull never win
but theres one thing u can choose
never give in



JC

no title given

i stand behind my brick wall
bcuz i dont wonna lose anything at all
i hide behind the others shadows
i crouch benieth in the gallows
of what i call my home
my eyes hurt from being open
they hurt 2 see any motion
so i keep them sown shut
and i will do what i must
do u 2 like 2 be alone
the problem with me is blow out the candle 2 fast
instead of waiting 2 see how long the wick can last
i admire what i see clearly
and i hate 2 see u so teary
thats what uve shown
and i apologize 4 what i do
u might not think it affects u
but if it affects me
it affects u 2
and i will make it on my own

my eyes dont see the whole picture
whats a light bulb without a light fixture
im suprised just as much as u r
i really didnt think id make it this far
yet her i am
where i wonna be is somewhere else
and u could ask anybody else
what they feel and what they know
what they keep and what they let go
they dont understand
what its like 2 live like this
living not knowing when u want ur kiss
please sometime soon
around comes my blue moon
i take ur hand
caress ur palm with the tender touch
u dont no that i love u o so much
but will it ever come aground
i was up and now im fallen down
yet here i stand

i hate 2 see the tear drop 2 your chest
all we have is what we got left
and as i try 2 see this through
everything i love leads 2 u
but what is a tear
a dryspell in my eyes is never good
i would help everyone if i could
im afraid of nothing, thats b4 i asked
the question that comes from my past
what is my biggest fear
true life, true death
we all die in one breath
time is like a bomb
tick tock, b4 u no it, its all gone
listen 2 what u hear
buy my mind is confused
and my heart is 2
i try 2 fight off the pressure but i cant
i dont no whats 2 find in ur hand
but when ur blind everything is so clear

once uve lost it all uve lived it all
and once uve done that u break down ur walls
so everything u have is out in the open
and u dont hafta hide from ur emotions
but im not aware with what ppl say about me
im not sure if they care about me
idk if they even no anything about me
but that dosnt stop the fact that i am me
this quest is high voltage in ur mind
the bomb goes off and so does the time
so tell me nothing
ive heard it all
once u go deaf
u have no walls
and i have lost it all
got nothing 2 lose
but everything



JC




:(

im invisible

it seems 2 me that im invisible
all i am is a funny fool
is that all u see
in the lonely me
im not much different from u
its not what u say its what u can proove
and ive tried
we all have lied
i sit here alone on these lonely nights
no one here 2 laugh at my insights
i just bow my head and look at the ground
just living the moment and listening 2 the sound
of what i love
but thats just not enough
as much as i love what i do
it counts 4 nothing if nobody loves u
and even if they say they love me
i still think they see right through me
im invisible
the force is invinceable
and as i talk 2 these ppl here
when they say what they say it makes me fear
is this all i am
the funny little man
but what they dont see is what i dont show
but they dont care about what they dont no
and thats what hurts
they dont no what hurts
ive gotten comments on my personality
but its nothing compared 2 my invisibility
ive tried so hard
2 get so far
i have 2 work harder than all of u
the way i am is somethin i cant choose
but im not happy with
all of this
would u be happy if u 2 where as lonely as me
my only friend is my invisibility
bcuz thats all everyone knows
as much as i try 2 show
and if uve figured out most of it^
ull still probly see through most of the shit
and dont lie 2 me
cuz that dosnt help the fact that im blinded by me
cuz im invisible





JC

where does love come from?"

im walking down an unkown road
waiting 4 a reason 2 explode
bcuz im so mad
its just bcuz of my broken heart
what i did wasnt so smart
and now im so sad
im inturupted from my self abuse
i see an old man standing next 2 me looking so confused
and hes looking at me
he said" boy what r u doing here all alone
ur just like me xcept my times almost gone,
is that who you want 2 be?"

thats when my life passed b4 my eyes
i thought back of all the moments
i cant believe it took so long 2 realize
that the only thing stopping me is im nervous

i replied 2 the old man
"tell me whats ur story?"
and he just looked and gave a big grin
"ill tell u what i can but most of its blurry"
thats when i thought 2 myself,
damn this is pretty low
but i guess this is whats best 4 everybody else
i asked the man 2 tell me what he knows

"son ive been walkin down this unkown road 4 so long,
i have been low all this time, but soon my time will be gone,
ive seen the most, terrible things, but not even that stops me
from being the best i can be, i no how it feels 4 no one 2 love me"

when i heard him say that i thought about a time way back
when i was spoiled in attention and love was all i lacked
but now i no
that time is right at this moment
and i need some love and the old man no's it
but then he said "i hafta go"

i begged the man plz stay and tell me more
but the old man said "just open some doors"
i questioned the comment and so do all of u
who really nos who he was really talking 2
him or me im still thinkin it through

i have no choice but 2 keep on walking this way
until this ungreatful feeling goes away
until somebody walkin the opposite way
says hey buddy what do u got 2 say...

"if sombody loves u so much, love them back,
bcuz if u dont its love u lack
and keep a sharp eye on ur watch
bcuz every breath u take triggers the clock
time ur steps perfectly
then just with some luck ull live happily
and then the end comes
but i gotta a question 4 u son
where does love come from?"




JC




does anyone care

close your eyes

i close my eyes 4 just a moment
and when i open them
im lost in the moment
bcuz so much has changed
its all rearaged
i look at the pictures on the floor
scattered memories that went out the door
times have changed
its not the same
new life comes 2 me so fast
one second im living but o did that past
so quickly through my finger tips
i just dont wonna go through with this
i dont wonna say goodbye
so i just close my eyes

i want this moment 2 last as long as forever
atleast until my life gets better
i dont wonna say goodbye 2 yesterday
and when 2morro comes i will be frightend
im just so scared that it might end
in the most harmful way
i close my eyes
and i think of some words 2 pray
lord have mercy on my soul
i no i must do what im told
but i dont wonna go on much farther
so i pray 2 u father
help make saying goodbye easier
i dont wonna make my past just a blur
i dont wonna forget what i did in my past years
yet i dont wonna crumble away in tears
this is not how i wonna leave
this isnt how i want it 2 be
i dont want u 2 leave me like this
and i just watch it all pass through my finger tips
just outa my reach i cant do anything
im not scared of the consequence it brings
ill do anything 4 yesterday 2 be 2morro
even after my best effort im left in sorrow

i close my eyes bcuz im scared
of u leaving me and whats gonna be left out there
im tramatized
i close my eyes
i feel no pressure i just feel pain
so much has changed
and rearanged
im just hypnotized
by ur brown eyes
new life comes 2 me so damn fast
i close my eyes so i can make this last
as long as i can
my eyer closed
will they ever open again
will u be my future so we dont have 2live like this
its just such a long distance
and i dont wonna be so far away
so can we stay in yesterday
tell me if ur goals are anything like mine
do u 2, just wonna ....close your eyes




JC




05

these problems

i got these problems

that r just killing me

i am depressed

when ever i want 2 be

it just seem

i go 0 to 60

it happens so fast

i dont want it 2 be

the reason i worry

and the reason i hurry

hurry up and wait

either way im always just a tad late

its just this sadness

thats turned into madness

it hurts so bad and it dosnt go away

it eats in a little deeper every day

when i show it

u will no it

i wont do things i want 2 do

ill do things just 4 u

im not gonna cry over something i dont no

idk y im so sad but it just wont go

i gave up on fighting awhile ago

these problems r just so low

little things trigger it off

i get upset and wait till its gone

i just rest my head in my hands

i really dont get this i dont understand

whats the reason of my depressions

maybe theres 2 many untaught lessons

maybe im just crazy, correct me if im wrong

im the only one with these problems goin on

unfortunate past memories jump into my brain

i think about the deaths and i just go insane

no one can understand me

bcuz nobody else feels me

no body knows what its like 2 be me

its so hard ever 4 the lord 2 plz me

no body knows what its like 2 live with my disability

i cant think strait that 2 just kills me

and idk if my pride

is strong enough 2 hold of the suicide

i sit in the bathroom and just cry

i cant ask god cuz he has no answers

i cant ask no body cuz they dont give me any chances

i just bite my finger till its gone

but that wont solve this problem

i dont think ill ever be able 2 4give myself

i wont be able 2 live like everybody else

i wont be able 2 live as old as ppl said i should

maybe if life wasnt so hard i probly would

i just got this feeling in the middle of my stomach

im in dire need 4 an ending but i really dont want it

im just so confused right now

am i crying or is just anger coming out

im just so pissed that i cant do what they can

i rather have that than what i have i just dont understand

im blessed with all the wrong virtues

i just wonna be able 2 do what u do

but im tired of runnin

and im tired of being just so funny

tell me how my jokes are

they wont get me 2 far

its dumb that im just not good enough

i got no guts 2 do what i really love

u might see me as a big time hero

im no superman im less than zero

u might see me as some popular dude

u could do it if u really wanted 2

it might be like that but in my mind im left out

i cant talk with u bcuz u got everything figured out

u no what ur gonna do when u get older

what kinda job is becoming a soldier

who would wonna fight 4 a country thats so greedy

they might be strong but they aint sneeky

everyone talks about having such a great family

how can i think that when i have no support 4 me

right no my brains about 2 explode

im not rebuilding i just reload

im braceing my self

4 the next line of defence 2 go down

these problems r just so unreal right now

im gonna find a way 2 solve them some how

i hope

i wish

i dream

dont waste ur time on that bcuz the all end b4 they r reached

my depression is just taking over me

idc if this isnt how u want me 2 be

there is nothing i can do

no thanks 2 u

JC

not influenced, it is

just one of u

reach a little deeper
and fortune will persue
i will be the fortune
only if u aprove

crystalize

u have a dimond as a heart
there is nothing that could break it apart
u have crystals 4 eyes
with them u have me so hypnotized
u have a smile made of silver
when u shine it out ur happiness filters
ur face resembles a star
its always out of reach but never 2 far
and ur voice is like singing bird
my spine tingles with every word

ur thoughts r not just wise sayings
u dont have all the answers 2 the questions ur creating
but if no body knows what is the need
if everybody knew we wouldnt have curiosity
and thats thats one thing u got that we love
a little more comes out in every hug
ur words rnt just sentences
they might not have any prefrences
bcuz they belong 2 ur mind
u make ur own lines
and if everybody knew where they came from
there would be no joy or any fun
in the secrets we keep
our words r so deep
ur dreams arnt 2 far away
they get closer 2 u every single day
its all a matter of time until u reach one
but that dosnt mean ur done
bcuz if dreams ended in success
it would ruin the whole mind set
of setting your own goals
that will never get old
and ur love is closer than u think
it can all come 2gether in less than a blink
but what is love with out true meanings
what is love without true feelings
it seems 2 be a lost art
but that dosnt break ur dimond heart
and what ur crystal eyes see
might not exactly have seen me
and when ur silver smile shows
i might not be the one who recieves the glows
and when ur beautiful face reveals
i might not be the one that feels
the tingles down my spine when u speak
that dosnt mean i will have wet cheeks
what happens 2 u does not happen 2 me
and who nos what those crystal eyes have seen




JC




a e i o U ....never y

JjC

walking down that narrow way
pews of ppl that dont want 2 stay
they look at u like u where dead
then they blow there nose and bow there head
i set my hand on the wood
and say goodbye 2 our brotherhood
im forced 2 move along
the worst has just begun

and it happend all so fast
its good cuz i didnt want it 2 last
and just like that
hes in and out and now gone
but some how he lives on
u cant put back the tears drawn

i never thought a limo ride
would be so emotional towards my life
i look out the window and watch other cars pass by
they were lookin right at me and they saw the others cry
i wonder what they thought of that
did they care or did they feel bad
but what does it matter anyway
its not like they knew him and who knows if they pray
now its as if we are just walking in circles
all we do now is pray 4 one big miricle
how r we gonna survive
without this fella being alive
i just dont no
where this is gonna go

and as i walk through the yard of death
i think 2 myself maybe this is whats best
and if it isnt then idk what is
cuz i honestly dont no anything
and as the last prayer was said
it hit me that he was dead
and id never see him again
he has reached the end
thats when i walked away
and i felt what id feel the rest of my days

he is the angel that watches over me at night
and the thorn that sticks into my side
he is my influence
he is my guidence
he is my mind
he is my eyes
he is my light
he is my cries
he is my sorrow
he keeps me waiting 4 2morro
and thats just what ill do





JC


aeiouy

so beautiful

eyes watered and we cry 2gether
its so much better than crying alone
no matter the time or weather
we never fail 2 get stoned
we love all and dont deny it
we show how we feel by crying
time it self is just a mystery
love it self is however u want it 2 be

and that is y life is so beautiful
love is what is bcuz u r what u r
and the reason i am so greatful
uve made it wonderful so far

u had me goin at 11:11
the things that she says r so true
and when they said i robbed 7-11
i told them u r just misaccused
but now im 4 sure that u caught me
im guilty of all u accuse
and that truely is the beauty
but the most beautiful thing must be u
ages go and this ones gone
i just need 2 get out of this place
spirits go but this one lives on
im running out of things 2 save
i need 2 give up on something 2 succeed
but i never have loved something as much as i do now
but now a days who really nos what we need
and we dont really no what life is about

and that is y life is so beautiful
we dont no what 2 expect out of every day
and one of the reasons i am so greatful
u make living life wonderful in every way

we carry our own cross through life
some our heavy and some are light
but what matters is who carries it the longest
thats who is the most strongest
and we all go through the same wind 2gether
not one thing could stop us from getting stoned
bcuz no matter the strength of the weather
there is no good reason 2 cry alone

yet here i am
all by myself typing my mind
and here i stand
all alone i just cry
and theres been so many times
when i wanted 2 take one more light
but whats easy in life
never is right

and thats y, life is so beautiful
u choose ur own path
and what makes that so beautiful
the strong one is who is the longest 2 last

I pray 4 you

welcome 2 this fortress acre
have no satan, have no savior
peace and war combine as one
they will not quit till the damage is done
nobody cares about what u say or do
we are all stuck with the same additude
mr.franklin dosnt stop the hollers
then u get snagged by the collar
it was ur most greatest falter
and it gets worse by the dollar

mans creation seems 2 backfire
and all is tossed out including desire
hell and heaven will not sleep well 2night
noing they r side by side
welcome to this penatentery
nothings safe and nothing is free
this problem seems 2 be so damn drastic
now we go in a cage of plastic
wild fire and tameless horses
we leave the land as nameless corpses
what in the hell have we come 2 be
some kind of monster that cannot see
all is left isnt always "me"
say ur prayers on your knees

not even jesus could save us
no man is worthy 2 praise us
u will see no lion rest with the lamb
the only hope belongs in that hand
and time is still but not left out
all this fortune turned into drought
mendless wounds and open cuts
become infected with the our lust
feel no pain but u still feel queezie
no one said this would be easy
yet nobody said it would be this hard
this was a disaster from the start
close my eyes and seel my lips
our own fate is at our finger tips

a open my eyes and I pray 4 you
bring home god no matter what u do
u do not no where 2 hammer ur nails
u still succeed if u fail
u no more now then u did back then
the problem is now you r dead
we lay 2gether on the silk bed sheet
there is nothin we can lose, and nothin we can beat
the problem now depends on what u do
i open my lips and I pray 4 you





JC



a.e.i.o.u...(_)