hand full of nails

i think of the blue skys as i lay in the mud
with my gun at my side along with my bud
and the rain falls on this humid night
i cuddle up into a ball and im captured by the sight
i see the blast in the distance
10 more ppl r no longer with us
its so crazy 2 think that every second ppl die
cuz u never no if your next moment will be the one, 2 die

im running far away from everything
when it all adds up i got no more than nothing
and i plead my case to my brain
but everypart of me thinks the same
ppl wonder how i no it all, but i wonder y its that they think
they dont see me make mistakes they just see me casually wink
it might look casual on the outside
but theres so much that im hiding inside

i can not wait 4 the moment of being a father
if i wasnt so anxious with life i wouldnt bother
and my precreations
are my motivations
but they r so long 2 be coming but i cant wait
but that dosnt mean i cant hesitate
reel in the line but leave enough slack
to hold ur feet and pull on back

sometimes i doubt that i will make it through life
i wonder what my future will be like
i worry for myself bcuz i am considered class a dumb
i could be living large or i could be a cold bum
either way 2 me i have not succeeded
i want so much more than i completed
i love my life but i hate my unfinished mind
idk if it will be done, i can only tell by time
but im so scared right now as i sit alone
i dont wonna go through this on my own
and im terrified bcuz i might do sumthing stupid
over stupid things like missing out on cupid
i hate 2 say the past is in the past
but im afraid cuz the next moment could be my last



JC



#8

my own nylon

ppl come and ppl go
y so fast we dont no
on and on these things occure
god wont go against his own word

more ppl are living
than dying
it might not seem like that
cuz we are always crying
what we dont recognize
is what catches us by suprise
and we dont take the small things
and build the puzzle piece by piece
even though im so young
ive been known for a sharp tongue
but i cant explain y these things happen
we are this world that some call a contraption
i see the flashes in the sky
they rnt lightning cuz they blind my eyes
i see dots within dots and my mind goes dead
bcuz i got 2 many things runnnin through my head
idk what they are but i got a thought
there are angels in the sky if not idk what
i do my jumping jax
i just relax
i take my time
and work hard on my facts
but no fact is guarenteed true
being dead might be free but its less complex than tying shoes

sometimes i need a shoulder 2 cry on
i tilt my head and whipe my tears with my own nylon
i get these feelings in my stomach
i want this so bad but yet not sure if i really want it
they say rules r ment 2 be broken
does that mean a rule is ur heart
cuz it breaks more often
than the drunk man farts

sometimes i need a voice to hear
i need some guidence and something 2 stop the fear
it seems no ones below me
everyones above but 2 stuburn to show me
i hate how they r all 2 good 4 me
they all want more than i have 2 show 4 me
they just care to much
to worried bout being in love
but what does it mean 2 be in love
kiss once and thats ur sign from above
h no

ppl come and ppl go
y so fast i dont no
on and on i ask 4 just a shoulder 2 cry on
more often than not i use my own nylon



JC




#7

simon says

simon says to clap your hands
simon says to just understand
simon says to scream out her name
simon says to take all the blame
simon says to sit indian style
simon says to learn from being a child
speak out what is running through your head
to bad i didnt say, simon says

what he is is nothing u are
that dosnt make you not a retard
your cool and hes not
that dosnt mean hes not smart
hes mirror is clean and urs is dirty
i could say more but it would be 2 wordy
he falls asleep while u stay up
cuz ur worried about what 2 wear 2morro
he takes one bite u eat more than enough
because hes eating the money his daddy borrowed
you cry he bawls
but u stop within the minute
u trip and he falls
you forget that u ever did it
a scar is left across his face
but urs just washes away
you walk away without a trace
he is in the same spot the next day
bring back your loved one from the dead
2 bad i didnt say simon says

take a trip down to his grave
and think only if simon said save
you coulda been there when he needed you
only if the truth wasnt so true
but thats just the way life is
its what ever simon says
and as i leap into midair
i realize that im 2 high
above my expectations in the sky
for that i will die
people dont no what i go through
they just know what they see
and no matter what they do
they cant see my heart they cant even see me
feel the gravestone etchings
and just crack a smile
who woulda thought it would be so fetching
to sit indian style
but i leave it behind and it take what i got
i go by what i know and not by what i thought
bring him back from being dead
2 bad i didnt say simon says

only if the world was round
if it was i wouldnt be falling of the edge
im just so much lower than the ground
consider me dead
and just go by what simon said



JC


#6

JJC

what was in those pictures i cant believe
my eyes deny what ive seen
an angel that was among us is an angel here now
quenching my first big break
for once i wish life would give me something great
i wonna be happy but i dont no how
and as i realize what ive done
i start 2 cry 4 my own sons
cuz i no that im not what i wanted

when i was younger i thought
i need everything that i dont got
but that was then and this is now
and when i saw its wings i then knew
ive done everything that i had 2 do
i wonna know more but i dont no how
and then i realized that i was scared
for all of the world and i will not dare
to take anything that i want

todays a day of death and birth
a bran new baby and a coffin in the hearse
only if there was an easier way
my trigger finger is tightly clinched in
but theres no bullet coming out of it
i guess ill die some other day
spin the gun until its stops
on whomever it lands will be poped
but this is just so crazy

it seems ive been picked so many times
ive cheeted everything including suicide
there is a reason to all my luck
when i see this picture i start 2 cry
this angel out there is an angel in side
and with him he brings love
so y wont it give me something that i need
i dont promise i just guarentee
now im searching 4 a bran new road
what was in those pictures r so real
only if they could see and feel
the angel out there, and the angel with us now

after all the that and all of this
now can u tell me whos the idiot
you are one that could contend
idk how they do it and idk y
they just give up on the tears they cry
bcuz it just brings them closer 2 the end



JC


influenced by a kodak moment

dear me

dear world
i just wanted 2 say goodbye
it was good while it lasted
but u couldnt keep me alive
dear world
i just wanted 2 apologize
i might look good on the outside
but dreadful in the insides
dear world
i dont understand y
you set your goals so low
when they coulda been so high
dear world
i am crazy in love
give me one small chance
send a sign from above
dear world
im dead because of you
you showed me all the money
but never showed the graditude
dear world
you couldnt shoot another bullet at me
not because im bullet proof
theres just no more room 4 any more 63s
dear world
go ahead and keep on shooting
ur foot catches all the lead
u shoulda thickened your booting
dear world
what do u think you r doing
if a white man steals
it 2 is considered looting
dear world
go ahead keep your middle finger up
i wont stop talking
until u get enough
dear world
go do something smart like i did
kill yourself
i would no bcuz i tried it
dear world
keep up the stupidity
not enough knowledge
not enough ppl just like me
dear me
good job leaving while you could
u would do it if ur smart
so any child would
dear me
avoid all disaster
ignore all the pain
and ignore all the laughter
dear me
who is laughing now
i got a 5 cc's in my veins
tell me are u feeling me now?



JC



#5

seasons of my life

i hate fall
cuz everything dies
and at the end of it all
no one survives
till the struggle ends
we must keep going
we wont stop
till the wind stops blowing
i feel the world shake
and it got me curious
jesus christ is no fake
it makes me furious
to see everything go at once
i ask 4 so much and get none

i hate it in the spring time
cuz the past is reveled
i remember the bad times
i use my eyes as my shield
wake me up when that day ends
i wish not 2 mourn any longer
i didnt start it, it just comenced
but one more bullet makes me stronger
and i go into a deep trance
i feel nothing
i see them 4 a moments glance
with there eyes so loving
its almost like they said 2 me
man y dont you just let it be

i hate the winter bcuz i have 2 fake a smile
everyones just always so happy
i take a looksee 4 a little child
wishing i was like he
i wish i still had my innocense
but now its long forpassed
i didnt start this, it just commenced
and what has happened stays in the past
i fold my hands after i bless they bless me
and i say a small prayer
lord i dont ask 4 that much, im just confessing
that i 2 am scared
its almost like he replied and said
once you die you dont have 2 worry about being dead

when summer comes it seems like it ends the next day
and thats what i dislike
but after it ends the fall brings all the slays
so i enjoy life while i have a life
rest in peace i say 2 you rest in peace
though u dont no where ur going
but some day ull find a crease
until then u wont stop unless the wind stops blowing
and when u fold ur hands that haved done the blessing
dont just say a prayer
dont feel guilty about not confesing
because he 2 is scared
wake me up when 2morro ends
not any time b4 or after
if you sleep to much ull start a trend
and y would u wonna sleep when u could be the reason of laugter

the seasons of my life are hard and strong
but thats all life is
but u must struggle in them b4 its gone
cuz thats how we have 2 live



JC





#4

my story..

it just ends up as another road 2 no where
anywhere u lead me i have already been there
and as i look back on my life
i kill my self trying 2 find
times of great love, yes
i look back at the footprints
and idk who i was walking with
at times i there was only one
that was when my happiness was gone
everyday i think about rob and jay
and every day i die in my own way
thinking, that could be me
i dont want 2 live 2 see
what i dream is a happy life
yes, and all i want is 2 make it out alright
im not saying im afraid 2 die
if it comes down between that and miserable
i no 4 sure the shortest straw will be pulled
and as i lean into the punch i already know how it will feel
4 when u r hit as many times as me, your mind is made of steel
cant be shatered, and already have i melted down
i used 2 be flatered about how many ppl picked me up off the ground
now im lonely and lost in this chaos
i just wonna cry at home and take on dreadful day off
tie my shoes buttone my shirt
everyday starts worse and worse
b4 u no it ill be tieing my veins
b4 u no it ill blow out my brain
on my watch of course
but whos keeping yours
i watch my own back for that reason
when i go 4 backup mines already bleeding
the stake in the back is like a stake in the heart
i must say im not like i was at the start
im a different somebody
im now a no body
u always knew what i wanted 2 be
now i realize i hate being me
im unaware
of what 2 give and waht 2 share
risk my life 4 your glory
but thats not the way im going 2 end my story..



JC



#3

celebrate

richard baker a heart breaker
stewart long, is far and gone,
mr myers caught on fire
ms peterswears a thong

everyday i say my prayers
b4 every day i take a look out there
everday i try 2 understand why
y we walk, and y dont we fly

once i wake up in the morning
i go back 2 the state of boring
i need a boost of my heart rate
something 2 get me going out 4 the day
every morning i just want 2 celebrate
but how can i?

richard baker the heart breaker
stewart long, is far and gone,
mr myers caught on fire
and ms peters wears a thong
and i carry on

take a breath and breathe in the insanity
look around and see the sexualities
notice how the clicks stay 2gether
never apart, until they hit the bad weather
walk alone down the empty hall way
something so great, shouldnt have 2 stay
notice how the days are the same
all i want 2 do is just celebrate

richard baker the heart breaker
stewart long, so far and gone,
mr myers caught on fire
and ms peters wears a thong
though she shouldnt

green days from here on out
walk around and scream and shout
this is a slave run world
we r the slaves, down the drain we swirl

but i dont no y we r running
from this glorious homecomeing
dont point fingers at the fakers
this all starts with...

richard baker the heart breaker
stewart long, so far and gone
mr myers caught on fire
and ms peters wears a thong.,.



JC

#2

after

face down and out 4 the world 2 see
i wont ask cuz u wont answer honestly
love wont take me where im going
and i just run without the sense of knowing
screw life and all its expectations
it couldnt get any worse than our nation
day after day
i watch it all slip away
there is nothing i could do or say
2 make it stay
time after time
i think ive lost my mind
but im sure i will come 2 find
but lord wont u plz give me a sign
fight after fight
i fail 2 find the light
i can see it in your eyes
time after time
try after try
i fail 2 make it by
i refuse 2 cry
so i wait 2 die
and i can feel it following
the footsteps in the sand
and it feels so sorrowing
but thats just how i am


jc



ah

whistle to this melody

let the birds keep whispering
watch the candle light shimmering
its been the same since the beginning
its so drastic when you are living
put down your dreams for 2morro
nothing good comes out of sorrow
whistle to the melody
and be someone you want 2 be

the new kid in town
talks outloud
but its muffled by the crowd
so he sits on down

takes the back seat
only person here
without a heart beat
and he thrives on surviving
he never lived off this much crying
i dont understand
this craziness
y dont they except me 4 who i am
but only if life was easy
we wouldnt hafta run in circles
therefore we wouldnt be dizzy
we wouldnt be lost in the dark
we would one from the start
instead we form a disaster
then we run from the laughter
which leaves me standing alone
taking the bullets on my own
no one behind me
no one 2 guide me
Why don't i give up?
theres not no one beside me
i walk down the halls all i see is CLICKS
the sluts, the punks, the preps and the hicks
i fit in somewhere with the queers
thats all i am, a queer
all i am is just road kill
i live so dead and do against my will
they say jesus is the savior
and if he is y dosnt he object to this behavior
im just the new kid in town
im just the worthless clown
im lost and soon 2 be found
laying there on the ground
with the dozens of knives in my back
i just try 2 live
i guess what i lack
is being so negitive
but never do i wish i was like them
i wish i was someone else
but never one of there friends
i dont care about what looks me back in the mirror
i dont care about one dropped tear
i dont care about what they want or think
i dont care if all i do is sink
lower and lower into the deep end i drown
i have an excuse im the new kid in town
i intend 2 be as im around
bcuz what i dont wonna be is a part of that crowd
i have an oppinon that i could scream outloud
'i got so many options and you are already out'





JC



ah

the deep end

he never took any wooden nickles
he ate his heart out over lost trickles
every cloud has its silver lining
its hard to see through all the lying
then again what do u want me 2 do?

face the music drink the posine
u can join the feast or endure famine
u have ur finger in every pie
and every day is do or die
and you ask me what 2 do?

y cant u be footloose and fancy free?
dot your eyes and cross your t's
ur always gliding the lily
and always barking up the wrong tree
and u tell me to get lost?

u think ur head and shoulders r above everyone else
y dont u take a shot below the belt?
ur the horse of a different color
and ur so hot under the collar
take a look into your broken mirror

ignorance just is such a bliss
ur in hot water if u hold ur piss
dont yell at me 4 jumping into the deep end
if u cant swin then dont talk 2 me again
u ask whats that supposed 2 mean?

so depressed when he kicked the bucket
i would love 2 die, ah f**k it
a labor of love is my action
and somebody is my attraction
that dosnt mean i am alone

never leave a stone unturned
u left me out in the cold
u just let ur hair down and take off ur shoes
u might be thinking im confused
but i ask the same 2 you

there is more to the words than met the eye
what u dont see is what im trying 2 get by
nothing ventured is nothing gained
nothing blood dosnt mean no pain
then again what do u want me 2 do?

so what if my heart is on my sleeve
idc if u dont like what i need
what has happened is water over the dam
if u cant swim dont come in the deep end
beauty is in the eye of the beholder..



JC

mark one for the unknowns

i have faced my own reflection
there is no hope 4 perfection
so i go with what i got
till i reach the right spot
stand beside me and take a look
do we look like we should
or should we have a smile
could we have a smile
take a leap and close your eyes
where ever u land will be alright
utter a whisper 2 my ear
i hope its what i want 2 hear
but i cant here a word
because u make it such a blur
i dont understand what you want
idk if your having fun
but i no that im not
so i just go with what i got
put my finger 2 my lips
and i not 2 even bother with
words that are not understood
i would understand if i could
i smile at you but idk if u do it back
i guess its just comunication we lack
for so much i would kill
but does she love me not or does she love me still
im having trouble reaching par
but thats just what has happend so far



JC

in the wind

listen 2 the wind blow, durring the dark clear night
someone in the shadows, is lighten by candle light
u see him there standing, looking 2 the sky
u see him there stareing, never been so alive
open up your window, in the middle of the night
u see it but u dont know, if it is wrong or right
u never thought this world, could become so dry
all the little boys and girls, ask "y do ppl die"

time goes on
passes just as fast as it comes
it carrys on
and brings these sad songs
and as we struggle 2 learn
what life really is
we get blown that kiss
in the wind
love is carried through
thats where it begins
and where it ends is no where near
take a breath
fear no death
dont ask questions like right-or-left
just soak it in
and all good things come
in the wind

rest your head on your pillow, wait 4 ur life 2 spin outa control
u live in the shadows, and the shadows live in your soul
u cry all the time, and take chances if u must
and still the children cry, when they see it all turn 2 rust
where did the past go, we left it back behind
history went where the wind blows, and with it went time
shallow roots grow, deeper than most
look out the window, see what the world has 2 show
we watch the wicked world, die faster every day
and all the boys and girls, question what everyone has 2 say

time goes on
passes just as fast as it comes
it carrys on
and it brings all these bad songs
and as we struggle 2 learn
what life really is
we get blown a kiss
in the wind
love is carried through
thats where it begins
and it ends no where near
take a breath
fear no death
dont ask questions like right-or-left
just soak it in
and all good things come
in the wind

so call me savior
so call me any thing u must
your behavior
makes me question your lust
cool sensation
my mind is so soothed
by the sound of your voice
nothing 2 gain nothing 2 lose
whisper softly
i wonna hear all u wonna say
and if its about me
i can question if i may
r u fond?



JC

so angry
.
so anxious
.
so hungry
.
4 that kiss
lose it all in one step
it seems my stride has gone one 2 far
i lose it all in one breath
it was caos from the start
im poked in the eye
i am milked dry
i give it all i got
and i still die
and im stolen
by the moment
so i just keep rolin
i no u need 2 no this
they all seem so sad tho
bcuz of some rain and blows
boohoo get over it
sniff it back up ur nose
gotta continue sometime
cannot be right everytime
life is frustrating
sometimes u gotta fake a smile
it seems thats all i do now
thats what life is about
make ur self look good
and u will always safely come out
we all want the brass knuckles
we all want 2 be in the bubble
but its no fun
if u dont get in trouble
one shot
.
one love
.
all i got
.
is one shove
.
2 the top
.
up and above
.
what i wont stop
.
is being in love
every one is cryin
bcuz ppl r dying
suicide soulution
they start the self abustion
"u no its my fault"
"i shoulda been there"
never spill the table salt!
cuz ull never get it all back in there
once u let it all out
u can never get it back
and thats what lifes about
its the finger up the ass crack
life isnt fair, so?
r u gonna do sumthin about it
or r u just gonna pick ur nose
so depresed
so angry
i confess
that im hungry
i am crazy
i am nutz
i go crazy
i am love
so confused
so embarassed
so abused
so cherished
i dont wonna be
i dont wonna see
i dont wonna die
yet i must look it in the eye
i take the bullet
4 ur confidence
i take the blame 4 u
i take the shame 4 u
tell me what u do
.
one heart
.
one space
.
in my heart
.
4 u is a place

.



.
JC

bouque

no body greets me when i come home
im just another word carved in stone
i lay 2 rest in peace in my shallow grave
im just another lost soul that wasnt saved
the law is in the room 2 your right
u could go with it or u could fight
speak ur mind if it dosnt speak 4 it self
brains cant be controlled by one mans wealth
absorb the information into your brain washed mind
if u dont already no love and hate r 2 man kinds
some ppl wish they had an oppurtuntiy
2 show the world not just there community
that what they can do can change the world 4 the best
some liars always lie but some will confess
one chance is all we ask 4 but we wont get it
and even if we do great things we wont get any credit
lose lose situation thats all life is
u can never gain all u do is give
some cant handle this and seem 2 question
what is the point and are we missing the lesson
what we show is all we got 2 lose
and what we no is what we can abuse
no body greets me when i walk trough the door
but they will be there cryin when im washed up on the shore
thats how it is when it comes 2 ppl caring
they wont care 4 you if ur not worth bearing
u think ur on the same boat as everybody else
but we r all drowning and we r our own help
what we dont understand is if we work 2gether
the land gets closer and we can last 4ever
a tear drop is nothing compared 2 there bawls
another man jumping means another man falls
we all combine as one big potion
and we all die as victims of emotion
we cry 2 hard over things 2 small
and we die when the cause is nothing at all
its crazy how corrosive we can be
and its unreal of the big things we dont see
we want oppurtunitys but we dont get it
cuz we let them go bye cuz we r scared 2 take it
home sweet home never tasted so bitter
we all r getting accused of being the quiter
my mind is running from pure disaster
but time seems 2 be running so much faster
and im weighed down by the burdons on my shoulders
my ears hurt so bad from hearing about our helpless soldiers
im not sure when anything will come 2 peace
im not sure if this craziness will ever leave
i critisize the world that dosnt mean i dont do it 2 the mirror
i will acuse myself of being afraid of fear
i will kill myself over one lost cause
i will kill anyone who dosnt believe in santa clause
we all want a piece of the insensed bouque
we all want a flower on our shallow grave





JC




world

half time

and all is gone
xcept 4 one
all that left
go beyond the sun
all the tears that fall in march
find a way 2 the top of the arch
slide down either way
we no that they wont stay
still 4ever nothing lasts 4 ever
no nothing last 4 ever







JC

vp

so much love in such a small heart
there is 2 much 2 bear so he breaks it apart
looks in one direction instead of all
he crys so hard bcuz he can only fall

hes in the middle of the biggest war
he dosnt think about it cuz it makes him sore
hes been raised by 3 different outlooks
he hopes the best is the one he took

he isnt really sure of what 2 do next
he moves 2 a spot where hands r around his neck
hes pressured 2 do what he should do
hes worried more about perfection than anything

i hate 2 see such a great thing go 2 waste
all bcuz of rotten taste
all i want is everything 2 be ok
i hate 2 see the end of this day

revenge is such a dangerous thing
watch it go by as the confidence swings
2 the side of the emoral majority
i hate 2 say that there is a lack of athority

once again the BUSH is burning
i hope he burns 2 a crisp
i guess he just sucks at learning
or maybe he just is 100% shit
we coress the backs of so many
this fella has stabbed plenty
which makes him such a good man
some ppl just dont understand

back 2 the real world that we care about
enough of the phoney crap that makes you want 2 shout
so many little things r bringing us down
if we only fix the big we are all sure 2 DROWN

god works in the craziest ways
he is the sun on rainy days
he is there behind the clouds
watching us and talking outloud

he speaks with our actions, they say it all
when all we can do, is think we r going 2 fall
all we will do is fall



JC

the last time

this is the last moment we have 2gether
let us make it last as long as forever
and as long as that is
its still only one moment
this is the last time
i will ever say 2 u goodbye
and i cry bcuz u r all i have
and i let it pass by cuz im sick of being sad
i fall away into the ocean tide
i sail on the waves of my life
and the highest wave holds you
and what weve been through
my dreams, r smashed apon the ground
and your words 2 me mean nothing now
what is gone will never come back
and my problems just start 2 stack

this is the last time we will ever cry 2gether
i would like this moment 2 last 4ever
but in the end
its just a second
this is the last time i will let ur hand go
as much as i dont want 2 deep down i no
this is 4 the best of us
not 4 the rest of us
i see u drop ur self
i notice noone else
but you

i jump
i take the leap into the blackness
of night
and in midair i praythat everythings gonaa be
alright
and the moon seems brighter
2night
but not one thing could make this wrong
right
i reach out my hand just 2
find
no one grabs hold of my
life line
and i now no no ones on my
side
no thing could make this wrong
right

you have ur goals 2 persue
but theres some things that block you
ur dreams r sometimes smashed
and ur life begins 2, crash

i close my gates and i pray a prayer
i close my eyes 2 block whats out there
this is the last moment i will ever have with you
this is the last time i will say goodbye 2 you
this the last promise i will ask from you
make this the last time thats all i ask of you


JC