Sadden

Hello grandmother
I just wanted you to know I said hello
I can not see you
I wish you didn’t have to go
I want you to know that I love you
I am so sorry I did not get say goodbye
I miss you so dearly
I need you now at my side
I need the strength of an angel
Something to pull me from the gloom
Hello grandmother
I wanted you to know that I love you…

Hello grandfather
I just wanted you to know I said hello
I can not see you
I wish you didn’t have to go
I really wish you were here now
I need a song to fill my heart
So many things I wish I would of asked you
I really don’t know where to start
I need the strength of an angel
Something to push me into the clouds
Hello grandfather
I really wish you were here now…






JC

It's so Great to Hear the Birds Again

It’s great to hear the birds again
I think its time to start over
It’s great to hear their songs again
They get more enjoyable as I grow older
Spring is on its way once more
Another year and another winter has past
I am glad I don’t have to worry any more
Thank God winter does not forever last
New hope comes with the sunshine
It beats down with its vivid rays
Some may think that it will never rain
But every life has its rainy days

It’s great to hear the birds again
Singing me a lullaby of love
It’s great to hear their songs again
I am glad I no longer have to run
Seeing her happy makes me overjoyed
I am so glad to be a reason
Spring is on its way once more
There has to be an end to every season
New beginning comes around with her
But an end does as well
It’s so great to hear the birds again
In their voices I shall dwell







JC

Sphere of Confusion

The world is so round
A sphere of confusion
My heart’s contusion
Can not be found
The world disgusts me
A globe of dirt
Everyone gets hurt
Why can this be?
The world blows my mind
How can some stuff really happen?
But Its not sun that we are lacking
The sun Is up somewhere all the time

Where is the sun?
We are living in a world of black
Some have gone so far to find happiness
And they are never coming back
Where is the sun?
I miss the ray of light
I miss being able to see the blue sky
But for now I am stuck with the black of night

The world is so round
A sphere of anxiety
With a washed-up society
Who all runs to the sound
The world is killing zone
Murder is now a pastime
Murderer’s eyes are often blind
What they kill they do not know
The world is a subject of detestation
Drama and war
Who knows what we are fighting for?
But that’s part of the complication

All hope is lost
Hope is found under a stone
No one looks under the rock they toss
Therefore hope is thrown
I look to the sinister earth
I see no rocks left
Hope is gone for good
I wonder what we will throw away next?
The world is a sphere of confusion
In time it too will be thrown away
Is life just a enormous illusion
Waiting for us to realize our own decay






JC

Jar

Like nothing I’ve never seen before
Something so deliberately untrue
It feels like I am trapped in a jar
And the only one who understands is you

I am not happy with me
And the screwed up life I find myself in
Every time I see hope it disappears
It feels like I just can not win
There is never a right time
I just can never catch a break
And every time I think I do something good
It turns out to be a mistake
God damn it I need a friend
But they don’t come cheap now days
I can’t find anything to warm my heart
Besides the sun setting on the ocean waves
And the jar I am trapped in
Has a lid tightly twisted shut
It traps me in with all the hate
And keeps out all the love
I am not happy with me
Crying just will no longer do
I look upon the world out there
And I just see eyes staring on through
It feels no body knows my struggle
How hard things can really be
I am trapped inside a jar
And no one seems to be able to see
I’m not happy with me

Like nothing I’ve never seen before
Something so deliberately untrue
It feels like I am trapped in a jar
And the only one who understands is you

Only if the whole world had brown eyes
Maybe they could see what I see
But no two eyes seem the same
Because it seems no one wants to believe
I just want to close my eyes
And feel the sunset’s breeze
Looking at me one couldn’t recognize
That its happiness I need
How many times must I fall?
Before I figure out what’s wrong
The glitch inside my mind
Keeps on going strong
Time after time I fail
And I get up just as many
I can’t remember a time in my life
When I was walking steady
I’m not happy with me
And the screwed up world I have created
I have created the next cohort of hell
In my world that’s too complicated
Clusters of thoughts come to me
And none of them ever leave my mind
I get stressed out by these thoughts
And how there’s just not enough time

Like nothing I’ve never seen before
Something so deliberately untrue
It feels like I am trapped in a jar
And the only one who understands is you

So possessor of joy
Please come visit me
Let me out of my jar
And let my thoughts go free
I have not found a hope
I have yet to find a love
You too can give up me too
And leave my heart twisted shut
I am trapped in a jar
I find myself looking out to you
I look into your eyes and it seems
That you are the only one who can see through…



JC

Carpe Diem

The whisper kisses me
On the ear it does
I reach for the whiskey
Because it gives the best hugs
I need someone to talk to
I need to prioritize my facts
I need someone to listen
Good old gold Jack
Jack is a friend of mine
But the friendship counter attacks
One sip we are best friends
The next is a stab in the back
Mind is exploding
I’m not trying to be cool
I wish I wouldn’t do it
But I am such a fool

The whisper kisses me
On the ear it does
I can’t understand what it tells me
So I respond with a shove
I don’t want help
But really that’s all I need
I need something to tell me
Something to show me how to see
See that I’m not just a failure
Lost in this disease
And there’s more than one way out
And there’s so many more moments to seize
Yes I have a problem
I don’t care if you can comprehend
The whisper kisses me-
Carpe diem…



JC

Dupe

I wish, I hope, and I dream
They all hide behind my silent screams
What is the world going to do with me?
I am just another victim to its deadly scheme

I just want to cry
Let the tears run down my cheek
Let them beat me down even more
Let them beat the hell out of me
I feel the world turning its back
Just like I expected it to do
Let it isolate me from its world
Leave me here to find my way through
Sometimes I wish I was dead
Suicide just wants me to give in to the end
Sometimes I think to far ahead
Suicide takes me in as its friend
I just want to cry
Let the tears melt me away
I’m not afraid to die
But I’m afraid of waking up every day

I wish, I hope, and I dream
They all hide behind my silent screams
What is the world going to do with me?
I am just another victim to its deadly scheme

My god is the magician
And every life is like a magic trick
No body knows what is going on
But in the end the pieces always seem to fit
Helplessly I’m put into the hands
And I am tossed around to suit the hoax
There is nothing I can really do
And I am sure the frustration shows
What am I doing here on this stage
Why can’t this magic trick come to an end
Let God close his eyes today
And let Suicide take me in as a friend…

I wish, I hope, and I dream
They all hide behind my silent screams
What is the world going to do with me?
I am just another victim to its deadly scheme

My options have disappeared
Before my weary eyes
The voices that I used to hear
I start to visualize
Before me the terror stands
With wide eyes it looks at me
It turns over the palm of its hand
And I take it cautiously
Lead me to somewhere new
I just need to get out of this place
I need my hopes wishes and dreams to be seen
And for them to stop hiding behind my face

I wish, I hope and I dream
That someday what becomes of me
Is a person everyone wanted me to be
And not a victim to this deadly scheme
I was, I am, I will be
Just another casualty
A fallen soldier with no more hopes and dreams
Just wishes to escape reality…



JC

Nomad of Love

Nomad of love
Wonders lost around the world
Looking for some trust
Looking for a girl
Who’s it going to turn to?
Who’s it going to lean on?
Nomad of love
Just wants to find someone

No matter what it does
It can find a clean window
It is looking for someone to love
The window enables it to know
What will it do when it’s empty handed?
What if it never finds its dream?
Nomad of love
Wonders in love’s reality

Then turn and look at me
And the dirty window I look through
I try to find some love
But I can’t because of my crippled view
Maybe I do not want this
Maybe I do not know who I am
Maybe I too am a nomad of love
And that’s just where I should stand



JC

Failure's Finest

Failure is all I have to motivate me now
As I look upon a dwindling crowd
I look at the people that still believe in me
And I start to wonder what they see in me
For what have I done to show that I can?
None of this garbage do I truly understand
A facelift of feelings is all I want now
I just need some kindle to spark my crowd
First and foremost my mind needs to be swayed
It needs replenished and it needs the anger to go away
Anger in my soul will never give rest
Until I know that I have tried my best
I stop myself before I barrel down the funnel
And hope to maybe catch some light at the end of the tunnel

I close my eyes when I can’t stand the world anymore
But that’s just a temporary solution to a long term problem
I fight of my fear with my tears, but it’s to long of a war
To escape the problems and its pain so I suggest we solve them
I have no real reason to give you a smile
Because the worlds to black to see my grin
I guess being happy is a lost cause now
…now that we fight off the world we live in
Money is the essential subject
But money can not by time
Money is the world’s prime suspect
Yet who can afford to convict it of a crime?
I shake the eight ball in hopes of an answer
To these problems that I can not deny
The eight ball gives me a bold worded answer
However the eight ball is full of lies.

I am trapped in a world where failure is my only friend
And the dwindling crowd dwindles once again
What else do I have, who else will believe
People look straight through my eyes, and look past what I achieve
Hidden in my laughter and hidden under my skin
Hiding in the war against the world that I live in
Just so happens to be a heart so large
I keep that heart behind thick bars
Opening it to only the people that read
Open to those who are willing to believe
Though my crowd dwindles and becomes extinct
I still have my mind, and I still have all that I think
And now it seems that I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel all along
A bright light that can be easily seen
However hope does not polish in the light…
It is just a train fidgeting right for me





JC

Cancer

Sneaks up on me like a shadow
It kills me quietly
It goes so long without being detected
Still it kills me violently
It stalks me like non other
It knows everything going on in my head
It waits to pounce on me as prey
And then its sickness slowly spreads

I am stuck in this everlasting infection
It leads me to my dreary fate
I reach out for my slowly disappearing recollection
But I can’t get to it before its to late
It is not the only thing leaving me
My liveliness starts to fade away
Eyes grow tired and cant stand seeing
As my mind begins to evaporate

Incise away my only answer
As I fall as another victim
You can’t replace the things that I have
Go ahead and make your incisions
Twisting and turning inside my anger
It instigates all of my pain
And it drives me away from my hope
And then it drives me insane

Treating me with their brain blockers
Numbing me so I can’t escape
The pain that’s prompted by my doctors
Against my will they operate
I could stay like this forever
Anything is better than that sting
You can take away all that I have remembered
As long as you take away this thing

Sneaks up on me like a shadow
It kills me so quietly
How could of it gone so long with out being detected
How did it kill me so swift and violently?
I look so deep for so many answers
But my blinded eyes just can’t see
This thing that they call cancer
Is slowly killing me…

Waiting for the outcome
Means nothing to me anymore
Because I know exactly how its going to be
The same old thing that i adhor
Looking so deep for these answers
But this sickness is so pure
This sickness that most cause cancer
Just does not want to give up its cure...






JC

Melting Away

Melting away
There goes my pain when you come
Melting away
Just when I won’t think I’ll the sun
Here you appear
What happens I just can not explain
Here you appear
Shivers over take me at the sound of your name

Go home yesterday
I will see you tomorrow
When I look back into my past
I only see you as sorrow
Fist on the forehead so mean
Only if there was a knife in-between
Some how I need to end this fixation
And put an end to this complication
Go home yesterday
I will see you tomorrow
When I look back into my past
I only see you as sorrow

Melting away
Now the candle burns at both ends
Melting away
I’m stuck in the middle with open hands
And here you appear
Then what happens I just don’t know
Here you appear
And no longer does my agony show

Go home yesterday
I will see you so soon
When I look back into my past
All I see is you
Hands are shaking so swiftly tonight
Hopelessly looking for a way to end this right
Some how I need a distraction that can keep me away
Keep me away from these words I don’t want to say
Go home yesterday
I will see you so soon
When I look back into my past
All I see is you

Melting away
Its now a struggle with in
Melting away
As I await for more pain to being
Here you appear
With a needle and thread
Here you appear
Trying to mend something that’s dead

Go home yesterday
A new day has come
When I look back into my past
I think what the hell have I done?
The stigma is inhaled with the cancer
At a time when its my only true answer
I wish there were no strings attached
Because I really don’t know how to react
Go home yesterday
A new day has come
When I look back into my past
I think what the hell have I done?

Melting away
I don’t understand this
Melting away
And now I am scared stiff
Here you appear
Eyes glowing just how they have always been
Here you appear
And I am wrapped in guilt and enveloped with sin

Go home yesterday
I don’t want to see you anymore
Because when I look back into my past
My mind just gets sore
Oh God I have so many questions
So I turn to the heavens
Do not ever be ashamed for what you need
Because everybody bleeds
Go home yesterday
I don’t want to see you any more
But I know you will always be there in my past
To make me so sore
Go home yesterday
I have screwed up once again
I have nothing for the debts I need to pay
So you can just take me instead
I am melting away
Watch the world around me collapse
I wish I could stay here
But I am lost in my past
I am melting away…





JC

Madly In Anger

i stare into to nothing
but to someone its something
and to another its the whole world
but to me its the nothing to say the least
i open my mouth and say whatever
to someone it may effect them forever
and to another it could be an insult
but to me its just the words i speak

i am madly in anger
mad at the system
with a point of the finger
all ears will listen
a world of trends and patterns
correct or not they stay
a world where nothing matters
but the people who give say
a world where whats wrong and right is established
and stuburn is the stone
the stone that has the faded words engraved
the stone that will never lose its own
as long as they the people
who call themselves we
look beyond what they think is the truth
and look at what we really believe






JC