The Lies Unkown

little girl play under sheets of denial
watching the men walking single file
walking to where they think is great
walking into hells camoflage gates
little girl play in her skin of guilt
tearing down everything that once was built
what the world once was is what it has became
nothing it was and nothing it remains

family of wreched minds we are
watching our empire fall
brother and sister in blood we are
on our naked knees we crawl
to the end of what will be
and what it is
is what we will never live to see

little girl play under sheets of denial
playing so cautious in doomed style
night has turned us into insomnia freaks
giving us no hope when it is hope that we seek
little girl play unsure of whats hers
living her life blinded by the curse
silently she dies like the rest of man kind
she will be the last one to be left behind
little girl play with her coffin at side

little girl why have ur forsaken us
as your spirit plays on and on
little girl wont you awaken us
we are hypnotized by a lullabye song
and then she said
go away

little girl play under sheets of denial
not knowing her sins are begining to pile
falling asleep could mean not waking up
but sometimes sweet revenge is not enough
little girl crys over herself
shes all she cares for and no body else
watching her life fall straight through her hands
not knowing that she wont have a second chance
little girl dies on a king sized bed
with a cloud of angels swamping over her head
falling asleep not ever to wake
all because her parents mistake

little girl plays..under sheets of denial
hidden under those sheets was once a smile


and she said
go away



JC

Soon to Fall

and the hand continues to slip
the grasp is falling asleep
the skin beings to rip
the cut is o so deep
trying not to feel
the anger seeping through
knowing it will never heal
so i continue to abuse
the fall never looked so taunting
no words, for my tounge was swallowed
silent to catch the haunting
for i didnt know whom i followed
slowly but surley the edge will make up its ground
while the hand slips lower, and lower down

time wasted on thinking things through
never solved a single issue
look what miracles can do
if the shoe does fit you
time is lost working things out
and thats where the downfall begins
your missing out on whats really there
and you arnt taking any of this in

the world begins to fall around you
your mouth remains closed
there is nothing you can do
but stick with the choices that you chose
pure black is now looking clear as my soul
and my heart beats a liittle stronger
i look back on how i was a foul
and now i cant take it any longer
the graps awakens and so do i
and my hand finds its grip
but just then i remember the cry
and then it all begins to slip
heaven has to betrayed me and i dont know what im in
so now i give up on hope and let the beating begin

and i cry out to god but i hear nothing
i dont need a prayer i just need something
heroin has been my cure but its killing me so quickly
and now i realize that i was doomed since the beginning


the hand continues to slip away
and the tears will go on for time to come
and how long will time last we do not no
but the hand will continue to slip until its done
if heaven is for heroes then i dont care where i go
because killing myself is the only thing ive ever known





JC

A Mid-Summer Nights Dream

3 o clock, in the morning
not a sound to hear
but my own self breathing deep and slow
thinking of all fear
i feel as if im falling awake
into the hands of another life
its hard to explain the way i feel
but i no it isnt right
3 o clock, and the morning
carries on so slow and so cold
i lay there clinching my eyes shut
praying that the clinch will hold
afraid to open them and reveal them
to what im afraid to see
i dont know what im afraid of
im sure its probly me

open up the door and let me out of here
run down the hall hoping not to fall but i dont care
open up the door and let me out of here
this fear is so violent so i remain silent bcuz no longer can i bare

minutes go by, but the morning goes so slow
but i dont think i can make it without a prayer
i say my words softly
but hes still there
3 o clock, in the morning and nothing is moving around
no birds to joy my ears this early yet
and as i keep saying my prayers
soon the words i forget
time moves on, as the radio sings my only hope
things seem to be so cold inside me
as i visualize him hanging by the rope
things begin to grow so bold inside me

open up the door and let me out of here
life can be such a hassel while it is so rich but its all the same
open up the door and let me out of here
fear is like a thunderstorm and as soon as i feel warm im right back in the rain

4 o clock, and my nightmares over
but still i feel a little nervous to open my eyes
i crack them open and what do i see
something to my suprise
4 o clock in the morning dosnt mean that its gone away
i scream inside my head trying to defend
my helpless soft-armored mind
and the abuse starts again

open up the door and let me out of here
right when u think its gone the green light turns on and ur right back in it all
open up the door and let me out of here
right when u think your through u get more to lose and you can hear the call




JC

So Blind

over looked
rotten hearts
lifes so much more
than body parts
in due time
a miricle will come
until then we walk
strait towards the sun
i think i am blind
time is past
you cant go back but
you can dream again
of anything that u want
tears of joy
but they are so decieving
it seems nothing in life
is worth believing
cuz i think we are blind
what is this so called perfection
that everyone trys to find
its all something else
in someone elses eyes
what is joy
what is love
i just dont know
but i cant get enough
yet i think im blind
hope has its fate
due to no dedication
and i lay awake
scared of my concentration
whats running through my head
i just dont know
but when i close my eyes
everything is shown
because im blind

scared to death bcuz i dont no what i want
as everything is passing by i stare strait into the sun
i do not know the real me and what i got inside
i could blame it on stupidity but really i think im blind

darkness is nothing to me because its all the same
im just another brainless outcast sitting out in the rain
sometimes i wish i were a bird so i could just spread my wings and fly
but flying means nothing to me because i am so blind

my eyes dont do much but look back into yours
i am so lonely you could look right into my core
and as i nail my coffin shut i miss the nail
putting my life to rest is another thing for me to fail

so blind
inside
my eyes
cant find
anything in life for me to
understand
so i stand here facing east
and i will stay where i am
tired of life
bcuz im so blind
so blind
so blind




JC

The Blue Jay's Song

the blue jays song
eyes of emerald blue
wicked thoughts
of loving you
the blue jays song
heard only through your heart
i wish i had a road to follow
or somewhere to start
look at me now
look of what i came to be
the blue jays song
is running through me

eyes of blue
tears of black
i look at you
and i want it all back
i understand
the past is gone
i shouldnt have ran
from the blue jays song

heaven has its angels
well i guess i have mine too
every pot of gold has its rainbow
like every foot has its shoe
but with every puzzle
there is one last piece
andi think mine is you
and thats what is puzzleing me
i want to find a way out
but the best ways through
so i reamin sitting hear
with an open mind to something new
and when it comes
it will be hard to let go
but once its gone
its like i didnt know

blue jay wont you sing me one more song
one more note atleast so i can carry on
blue jay wont you just lead me the way
to the song of another blue jay


JC

suicide solution

counting words
not to many words to say
not to many words
to describe this dreadful day
counting days
days that have gone by
since the day
he lost his life

days become years
and years wont ever end
they evolve into fears
along with tears for the long lost friend
suicide solution
never solved the puzzle at all
so lost in confusion
every single piece put together falls

i dont no any more whats right
i lost my heart cuz he lost his life
its value was so high and now that its lost
im in debt with satan and deaths the cost
suicide solution
as my brain circles in confusion
i could make it easy and just blame you
but then i would be drowning in it too

i ran out of fingers
to count all the years
i left one for the trigger
but i am stopped by my tears
it feels like i wake up every day
just to relive the day before
i live the same everyday
and i dont no what im fighting for
there must be somthing more to this
but i dont no what to do
i could close my eyes and clinch a fist
but then id be drowning in it too

i dont no anymore whats right
i lost my heart cuz he lost his life
its value was so high and now its lost
im in debt with satan and deaths the cost
suicide solution
as my brain circles in confusion
i could make it easy and just blame you
but then id be drowning in it too

no where to go
no where to hide
im scared to show
the signs i find
no way through
live or die
i can be like you
suicide

counting words
not to many words are said
not to many words
are running through my head..now that im dead
suicide solution





JC

In Rewound Time

so how we wish that time could be rewound
so all the memories lost would be found
and souls could have there second wind
however time is such an issue these days
we have so much lost time and so little saved
we do not no of the world we are drowing in

so lost in this universe
no love could save me
and the love that i do find
only comes back to betray me
i can not find the words
for how many broken hearts ive had
and god only knows
how many times my back has been stabbed
my head reamains lowered
chin against my chest
as i look to the ground
strait at what i have left
my feet have walked this far
and they do what i do best
they run from my problems
and they run me out of breath

chaos is faded to me
the word means no trouble
as i ignore the guilt inside of me
i watch my life begin to crumble
its all in a matter of time
as my heart remains shattered
in a matter of time ill cross that line
and the pieces of my heart will scatter
which will be the end for me
bcuz there will be no pieces to put back together
at that point i will begin to see
that no heart can last forever

i stand with my chin at my chest
with a storm raging before me
although i seem to be easy prey
the storm passes; it ignored me
as if i was its guilt
its like picking a grape of a vine
but the storm would probly hit me
in rewound time
living isnt rocket science
it has no real physics at all
as i stand in the midst of silence
waiting for the storm to make me fall
living is unpredictable
just like love and its comings
but for sure i will never find love
if i keep looking to my feet to start running



JC

Shameful Tomorrow

i am ashamed to say i fear tommorow
please give me some courage that i can borrow
some courage that could make me wakeup again
and the courage to see tommorows day end
i have no fears just second guesses
ive lived to see so many lives end in messes
i just dont want to feal the same kind of pain
i wish not to send my life floating down the drain

i do not want to end so soon
ive spent my whole life running
and ive reached the finish line and i dont no what to do
where do i go from here in life
so many paths but only one can be right
i am tired of always being under so much stress
it feels like i got no patcience left
send me some courage and ill send you some love
ill send you the one thing i got plenty of
its never been used nor been touched
the great thing is u can never have enough

im ashamed to say im afraid of tomorrow
please give me some warmth to tend my sorrow
today and yesterday have wounded me so
and all i can do is watch my wounds grow
i am so helpless and so afraid
i wish not to see another day
sometimes giving up seems the only way
please give me some warmth to make me stay

i am ashamed i have fears of tomorrow
please give me some guidelines that i can follow
it has been so long i have been roaming this life
there are so many paths but only one is right
the clock seems to be ticking faster as i go
and all i have been doing is denying all i know
so all i know really means nothing
give me some guidelines so i could do something

i am ashamed of my self because tomorrow terrifies me
it feels like tomorrow holds somthing that will stupify me
i cannot find the correct cure to my disease
sometimes i wish that tomorrow will do as i please
and not come; dont come i say as i cry begging on my knees
and as i get lost in this nightmare i fall asleep
wake up in the morning and the fear has yet ciesed
maby when tomorrow comes it will bring ease...




JC

Full Moon

no inosence is unseen
no sad song is unheard
every soul has its time
just like every song has its words
mystery of past
misery of present
all means nothing
if your sitting dead in heaven
tears of sorrow
tears of terror
the moon brings tommorow
here is no chance of error
in your time of doubt
look to the star filled sky
look at the moon peaking out
of the clouds that run by


JC