Epitomize

When will I open my eyes?
And see that the man in the mirror
Is just a lonely man in disguise
A smile hides him from being seen so clear
My imagination shoots through the sky
As I pretend my problems don’t exist
I pretend that nothing is wrong with me
What a large imagination it is
But every night reality hits me
Harder and harder as the nights pass
I don’t know where I am going in life
But I know I am never looking back

When will I open my eyes?
And uncover and solve this mystery
When will I release these feelings?
When will I release this misery?
I open my heart to who ever wants in
You could kill me for all I care
I go through so much pain now
There is no pain that I can not bare
My head is pounding like a pulsate
My eyes still remain closed
Someone help me open them
And reveal to me everything I don’t know.

When will I open my eyes?
And see that the man in the mirror
Is just an abandoned man in disguise
Who hides behind his leer
My imagination grows and grows
As I pretend I am not on the cliff
Preparing myself to jump off
What a large imagination it is
But every night reality hits me
Every night I am reminded of the same pain
The pain runs through my body
And it’s the reason I continue to constrain




JC

Circle of Destruction

respect the respected
ignore the neglected
living in a world of tears
eyes don't stay open
without ones mind knowing
knowing where to find ones fears
circle of destruction
the middle is found crushing
crushing all the shame
sniping all the carriers
as it seeps on through the barriors
as it causes more pain
eyes of the beholders
are the eyes of many soldiers
fighting for all they know
pain influences them as their passion
in every single fashion
but all the pain somehow must go
beating of the theory
eyes start to see clearly
what the mind wishes to seek
beating of the theory
to the fortunes it steers me
..in the direction of the Beat





JC

Specific Reminiscence

I won’t be the one to lie
I don’t laugh as much as I cry
That’s how horrid the world has become
At times it seems to that world I succumb
With every breath I take
I think of all of my mistakes
So many falters out there
It feels like I am running out of air
Come set me free
Let me become who I want to be
I strive at what I see
I strive because I believe
Craziness is not a sin
Just look at the world I’m in
If it was I wouldn’t be here…
I am out-numbered by the tears

Most of my memories
Are dowsed with tragedy
But what could I have done
Besides stand back up and run
Run away from all my fear
Run away from all the tears
It feels I am running in place
Because those fears still stare in my face
Please won’t you come set me free
Let me become who I want to be
I strive at what I see
I strive because I believe
Sometimes I think she is looking down
Sometimes I imagine she is with me now
Do not take my imagination away
It brings me her to me every day
I hate my reality…
It reminds me it’s just a memory

Shove the knife into my side
When taking her you took a piece of my life
And now all my pieces are rearranged
Give me a reason to accept the way things have changed
Anger has got me at the throat
Saying all the words I wrote
God have mercy on my soul
And help me dig myself out of this hole
With her hand on shoulder
She stays young as I grow older
But some day I too will be set free
Then I too will just be a memory
I judge what I do not see
I strive at what I believe
Someday when you look into the night’s sky
A twinkling star will be my blinking eye
Do not deprive me of my mentality
Do what you wish with my reality
What is done to it does not effect how I get by
Because I don’t laugh as much as I cry…







JC



looking at life through the eyes of my tired heart

The Depressing Downpour

Looking out the window into the pouring rain
With a dreadful mood I peek over the window pane
I wish that I could find a switch that could keep me from bawling
I wish that I could find a switch that could keep the rain from falling

Melodious, that’s how the rain sounded
It was stifled by the clamor when the thunder pounded
It seems as if life is the same way, but with happiness and depression
The truth I tell you is only truth to the one who tells confession

My eyes are full of anger and abhorrence, hell can be compared
Yet everyone I look at in this world seems so blindly unaware
Taking advantage of every little thing they own leads to joys inflation
The standards of living are that much higher due to one and alls participation

What if I could change the world, and all its dreadful deeds?
Make everything just natural and simple so everyone is pleased
What if I could change the world, and prevent further fading
I don’t know what it would do, but I’m sure it would still be raining.





JC

The Winter Winds

the winter winds will never change
they will always be brutally cold
the painful relief that the winter winds bring
surely will never get old
it hits the face the exact same way
as it did in winters past
it leaves no words left to be said
and the words said can not be taken back

the winter winds will never change
when they come you will know
a spinal tap, as the shivers attack
on the winter wind's very first blow
although they burn when they blow on through
once can not help to smile
but it does not take long to realize
the bitting winds of winter are going to stay awhile

the winter winds will never change
but the world around them seems to differ
the wind is a consistant standard thing of life
but it seems the worlds hearts just seem to get stiffer
but when the wind is felt against you
a sense of safety begins to set into place
because you are assured that the wind will never forget you
when the winter winds hit your face





JC

Alexis

im walking away
from my loved ones grave
i blink rapidly to hold back the tears
so my pain is not shown to all my peers
i find myself more alone
than any time i can remember
and where ever my low self roams
its to a place that cant be measured

im walking away
from so many memories burried in that grave
and all there is to show for it is just a piece of stone
how much more it means to me most people will never know
i could tell you a story for every letter
please wont you just ask me, please
because talking about it just makes me feel better
and feeling better is what everyone needs

im walking away
from the person that will have to stay
but in my heart shes with me forever
and in my heart she will always be remembered
years will go by and i will lose track of time
but through my troubles and my struggles she will be on my mind
what could have been and what was ment to be
was passed aside and now i just cant believe
...that now she is gone
and here am i still trying to move on

im walking away
and closing the books of another long day
an end of a chapter of a book with so many friends
a chapter that will come to be so important in the end
inspired by her dignity and humored by her actions
such a beautiful personality with so many more attractions
god have mercy on her soul, but keep my soul in mind too
because with her gone its that much harder to make it through





rest in peace; i love you forever and always





JC

Aches and Pains

aches and pains
struggle inside
this is the way
i live my life
no tomorrow
no second chances
no more questions
no more answers
bullet to my left
bullet to my right
which one hits first
which one ends my life
lacking hope
lacking time
ive found my place
ive lost my mind
here i go
struggle within
watch me fall
as my heart caves in


do i deserve better?
or do i have what i deserve?
is drama and drama
all that i've earned
i want to run away
and leave this place
here i am ashamed
to show my face
do i deserve better?
or am i just this horrid
tell me please
i just cant ignore it
confusion sits in
a sphere of influence
domminated by hate
and an OD of arrogance
do i deserve better?
or do i get what i deserve?
it seems aches and pains
is all that i've earned

no body reads this
no body cares
if they would understand me
they would be aware
i am a coward
a world class nut case
i got nothing to show
as i walk down the staircase
no body reads this
no body gives about this stuff
what i have to say
now ive had enough
end to this thing
that so many times has saved me
i hate this
because of everyone mainly

i hate these, aches and pains
bullets it rains, bullets it rains
i hate this, untollerable place
it holds all the shame hidden behind my face
i hate you, and i hate me
why cant these aches and pains leave me be






JC

Meet the Stranger

what will world do with me
when will the world be through with me
when will it let me carry on
why cant anyone see that im sick of this
it seems that all the things i truely miss
are through and gone
it feels that i am living life as a prisoner
with a heart that is just shattered
and the pieces are misplaced on the ground
when will i chase down a dream
when will i become what i want to be
when will my pieces be found

i am lost in a world of confusion
in a world of anger
in a world, in a world that i dont know
i am lost in my world of illusions
come and meet the stranger-
who has so much for you to know

count the bricks that hold up my wall
pull one out every day until it falls
and see how far i can get
i live my life with no identity
no body knows the real me
even though its all in the text
i dont have enough reasons to cry
so i hold them in my hazel eyes
and wait for the reasons to come
and when they do i will let it all go
lose everything that i know
i will drop it all and run
when will the world take me out of reality
and put me in my own mentallity
and out of this stereotypical place
i wish not to judge anyone but me-
the stranger i am supposed to be
with all characteristics hidden in my face

i am lost in a world of confusion
a world of anger
a world that i, i just dont know
i am lost in my world of illusions
come and meet the stranger-
who has so much for you to know

what will this world do with me
when will this world be through with me
when will it let me carry on
cant anyone see that i cant deal with this
and once i have someone to talk with
this stranger will be gone.






JC

I Need to See a Smile

i need to see a smile
i feel so low
i know exactly whats going on
and i want it to go
i need to see a smile
i forget what happiness i like
i wish i was on top of the world
but wishing doesnt make anything right
i need to see a smile
because i have tried so hard
i havnt got any where
and i have to go so far
i need to see a smile
so the odds are taken of my mind
that are blowing like the wind against me
and im running out of time
i need to see a smile
please make it contagious
because when i look in the mirror
i feel so faceless
i need to see a smile
to brighten up my life
i want to see you smile
so i feel what im doing is right
i need to see a smile
i need to know that i have a purpose
i want to see you smile
so i know that this is worth it
i need to see a smile
because i feel so low
i wish we could all be happy
but i just dont know
i need to see a smile
i need to see your face
i dont think you know
how much of a difference it makes
i need to see a smile
but really i need so much more
but a smile will do for now
its all i am asking for










JC

Against All Will

i dont ask to be alone
its just how i have to be
walking the line on my own
with only my two eyes to see
i dont care about anyone else
i only care about me
so many feelings no one else has felt
so many things i wish to be

i dont ask to be alone
its just the way i am
one day it will be carved in stone
rest in peace lonely man
i observe the world so differently
no one else can understand
i will till the day life gets me
rest in peace lonely man

i dont ask to be alone
i dont wish to change my ways
i think i have found a home
in the darkness of my face
i dont want to see anyone
i only want to find my way
there might be a day i see the sun
and ill be blinded by the rays

i dont ask to be alone
but what more can i do
this is all i have ever known
and i wont hide from the truth
everyone gets lonely from time to time
but i have nothing more to show
there is nothing more on my mind
than how to make this feeling go

i dont ask to be alone
but i know no other way
i will walk this line on my own
until i find a way to change
no body can really help me
atleast from what i have seen
but if i had more eyes to guide me
imagine the things that i could be






JC

Vacation

gone away
be back tomorrow
im on vacation
to forget my sorrow
endless nights
endless pain
im on vacation
to send it downt the drain

gone away
be back tomorrow
give me some courage
that i can borrow
so much stress
not enough time
im on vacation
to clear my mind
i look in the mirror
and i see nothing but air
i can hear my fear
but its just not there

gone away
be back tomorrow
i wont miss yesterday
nor its sorrow
i am shook up
i am confused
i almost gave up
when i heard the news
but ive gone away
tomrrow i will be back
with a mended heart
that used to be cracked...





JC

Hate

Life trys to hate him
but life feels no need
he hates himself everyday
he hates himself to sleep
he hates the way he talks
he hates the way he thinks
he hates everything he does
he even hates the way he blinks
he hates the way he smiles
he hates the way he frowns
he hates his sense of style
he hates how his hate brings ppl down
he hates the way he looks
he hates everything that has to do with him
he hates how every time he wakes up
its another day in his hateful prison
he hates himself everyday
he hates himself to sleep
life trys to hate him
but life feels no need.






JC

Spread My Wings

over and done
here i go
walking away
with all i know
which isnt much because i got nothing left
but i walk away from you
not for who you are but what you do
frustration isnt what i need
a angry person isnt who i wish to be
here i go goodbye
taking a walk across the line
starting over with a fresh set of tracks
i dont know what could bring me back
eyes are what i love to see
but there is nothing infront of me
this is not how i wished it to be
there is nothing infront of me
the tables turned to my disadvantage
my pride tires to disappear
but among the ashes it shows
holding back all the depressing tears
here i go goodbye
its my turn to spread my wings and fly
septembers dead and its been for awhile
and im at the end of my last mile
speaking words cant be enough
human expression needs to be my love
speechless as i was before
i dont know what im looking for
i hate to say this is over and done
we had our laughs we had our fun
to bad things could fall our way
i wish i had a reason to stay.






JC